Motivation

Excessive tolerance and three painful consequences to please people

Make people happy, help too much, and be generous. We can give it many different names, but the consequences of always making ourselves longer are generally the same.

You may have been raised to see giving and helping as noble. And listen to me, they are. I sincerely believe that it is wonderful to serve, support and help others. However, those who please people do not always know when to draw a line. They give and give as if they were supplying an infinite amount of time, energy, and resources.

Surprisingly, what pleases people is often about control. It is rooted in your need to increase your own self-esteem, avoid conflicts, and manipulate the environment to what you need to rest assured.

But I can assure you that working hard to please and soothe others has vast and detrimental consequences. I know directly. My over-forgiving and over-helping methods were rooted in my deep need to be seen, supported and cared for. I have never experienced adrenal fried food, but I have experienced it twice because it is very difficult to say “yes” to everything but me.

Let me share with you some of the costs of being generous and pleasing.

Deep resentment

The more you try to please others, the less you need, what you need, and the less time you want, and the more you get indignant.

If your needs aren’t met by the people around you (face it, most people-the happy ones aren’t honest and don’t tell our people what we need). It can cause deep scars and anger.

It is not the job of others to read our minds. It’s our job to tell our truth and be honest, but in many cases we don’t. So when they don’t intuitively or “just know” our needs, we also begin to resent them. “Oh, why don’t you care so much?”

After that, anger settles. Resentment is what happens when we stuff or suppress that anger (common to please people, because we need to be in harmony at all costs. Speaking on behalf of your anger is a big taboo!).

And when the grudge begins, the bitter illness permeates and becomes a festive ruckus. Resentment leads to long marriages, contempt, rolling eyes, and a relationship of “being together for the children.” It leaks as criticism, defense, and sneaky side comments. It explodes in the kitchen with random comments (it’s not really random-it just pushed an existing wound).

Loss of identity

People who please people spend a lot of time editing themselves. As a result, they lose track of who they really are.

When you are always trying to please others, you often hide yourself or transform yourself to behave like others to get what you want. You are a master chameleon and you are good at being someone other than you.

This was 100% of my ammo. I didn’t know who I was because I had spent decades trying to be what others wanted to be. It was the only way I knew how to keep myself safe. For years I’ve felt I hate, don’t fit, or aren’t smart enough. So I just accepted the idea that I had to go together to get along.

This led me straight to the path that I never understood what I enjoyed, liked, disliked, or needed, as I rarely made choices for myself. I didn’t take my time to explore new things. Because I didn’t know what they were. So I didn’t. I continued the pattern of pleasing and soothing my own disadvantages.

Loss of intimacy / loss of relationship

To please the typical people, their relationships often look one-sided.

Let me guess, you are the following person:

  • Plan to go out
  • I’m listening
  • Crying shoulders
  • Everyone calls when something is needed
  • Always “keep space for others”

This makes you feel needed, sought, cherished, and important. But when you stop thinking about it, you find that you aren’t getting the same thing in return.

It’s not difficult to understand how this leads to short-term relationships according to a set pattern.

First joy and fun, then you begin to feel tired, then grudges creep in, followed by gentle conflicts and inevitable farewells of the road. (And I know because this is the pattern I want to confess).

It’s time to be honest about the depth of friendship. Yes, many people enjoyed it. But they lacked the support and intimacy I was anxious for. No one has asked me and what I was doing. No one had space because of the wounds and frustration of my life. When I went home after spending the night together, I often felt more empty than when I got home.

Fear kept me in those relationships long past their expiration date. I was scared and couldn’t stay alone, so I didn’t leave immediately.

I found myself honest and hesitant to share myself with them. At some point, the relationship simply expired because I didn’t think it was intimate and vulnerable. Like a carton of yogurt extruded behind the fridge, it saw the final date.

As I grew up and healed, the people I chose to build relationships began to realize that they were no longer healthy for me. My soul was healed, and I was learning to match a relationship that I felt honest and genuine.

Telling your truth and asking for what you need does not make you a selfish person. It makes you a real person with a real need, and a real relationship is formed only when we are happy … you guessed it to be true.

It’s okay if you want to help and help people. I’m not in a hurry to tell anyone to help me. However, you need to know where to draw the line.You need to find a balance in helping them When you.

We are all important. We all need that problem. And the only way to meet our needs is to set healthy boundaries that are honest and respectful of them.

Boundaries are not always saying no or asking others. Boundaries are about knowing where the boundaries are for you and communicating them in a solid and compassionate way so that you can prosper and prosper.

When set correctly, boundaries give both people a choice as to what will happen next in the relationship. It’s okay to leave from time to time. But if you feel it’s right, it’s okay to maintain relationships and practice honesty and intimacy. Once you get used to setting boundaries, intuition will take you to the next step.

Trust yourself. I know from being people who recover-I’m glad that this step alone can be very challenging as we don’t really know who we are, so we How do you trust yourself? But that little, yet inner voice was always there, guiding and guiding. The difference is that you are listening now.

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