“The truth is that there is no such thing as negative emotions. Emotions only go into a” bad “state, and when suppressed, denied, or unexpressed, they have a negative effect on us. increase. ~ Colin Tipping
Emotions are always a powerful guide to our lives, whether we are unaware, unaware, or confident that we can exclude them from our experience.
Emotions give us valuable and sometimes essential information about what is best for us, the best choices we can make, and how we act. They provide us with information that we often do not listen to because we have devalued them or simply have not learned to identify or understand them.
However, in many families some emotions are forbidden.
Some parents naturally teach their children not to feel certain emotions without realizing it. Did you grow up and be told, “Don’t get angry!”, “Don’t cry!”, “You’re just a kid, don’t be sad”? Or was it criticized after expressing an emotion?
If so, you have learned from childhood that certain emotions, or forbidden emotions, were dangerous, inappropriate, and disapproved.
As you grew up, you completed the art of excluding it from your emotional repertoire. For example, today you may be called someone who never gets angry or cries. Parents can have a significant impact on the way children think, and if trauma from childhood is not healed, we carry it with us to adults. We are like children in adult suits.
Do you think it might be similar to your childhood reaction, given how you feel when you trigger it? I have recognized it myself, especially since I finally decided to listen to my feelings many years ago.
I grew up cleaning up my emotions on a daily basis. In my family life, feeling sadness, anxiety, and anger was forbidden. But those feelings didn’t go away, and they piled up until I couldn’t stand it anymore.
I remember spending a tough day at school because my usual bully was mean when I was a kid. When I got home, I was sad and anxious, so I wanted to be aware of what happened to my parents. I wanted them to hear and understand, but above all, I wanted to express my feelings freely so that I could feel some comfort.
The words that were said at that moment were “don’t worry, it’s not that bad,” “stop anxiety,” and “it’s okay.” When I was a kid, I wasn’t asked, especially at that time, so the belief that it wasn’t worth listening to grew, and unfortunately I was still worried.
As I grew older, every time I felt sad or anxious, I felt guilty and tried to suppress those feelings as taught. For example, in my early twenties, one of my beloved friends decided to end her life. She was young and had no obvious signs of her deep misery and desire to not be in this world anymore.
I was shocked when I heard the news. Sadness and anxiety arose, but I couldn’t be sad, worried, or crying, and I felt paralyzed that I had to let go because it was “correct.” Things to do. Unfortunately, as a result, I didn’t mourn her death, and it took me years before I finally accepted her loss.
Only after consciously accepting and facing my emotions and deciding to improve my life did I begin to feel better.
My parents are nice people, but they were (and still are) hurt by their childhood trauma. And they taught me my beliefs, feelings, and actions. They did their best, whether they did it intentionally or unintentionally.
I was angry with them for years before I decided to forgive them. I also prepared for my childbirth and learned to accept and manage the forbidden emotions they mentioned earlier.
There is nothing we can do about how our parents raised us, but our well-being is our responsibility.
Some are encouraged so that all families have forbidden emotions and emotional categories. Children who have learned to suppress the perception of certain emotions will find compensation by expressing what is allowed instead.
For example, in some families, anger may be forbidden, but grief is forgiven and encouraged. Children in this family learn that sadness is noticed, while anger is punished, criticized, and ignored.
Over time, children can replace sadness with anger and reveal it indiscriminately. For example, when it is natural to feel sad after a loss.
It will be necessary to regain possession of the forbidden emotions. Ultimately, you can understand confused, apparently inappropriate and misguided emotions. And because genuine emotions guide genuine choices, provide a sense of fulfillment, and reduce the likelihood of feeling emptiness, frustration, and anxiety, they can begin to make better decisions.
Feeling free means that you are free to choose how you want to act, rather than being overwhelmed by others and events and feeling helpless in your work, love, and family life situations.
Identify your forbidden emotions
Wasn’t it allowed to experience certain emotions as a child? What are your forbidden emotions?
I leave you two tips that may help you identify it:
What emotions do you struggle to understand and accept when seen by others?
What emotions do you tend to criticize or minimize when someone expresses it?
Contemplating this can be complicated, but it also helps to understand the discomfort that you probably make yourself and rely on bans that you have long believed to be true and legal.
Prohibitions that can now be converted to permits as needed.