“When we deny the story, they define us. When we own the story, we can write a brave new ending.” ~ Brené Brown
There was a time when I was really sorry. I had a good reason. My life was tough. There have been many tragedy in my life since I was a child. I lost all my grandparents at a young age and lived in a house with alcoholism and domestic violence, and to conclude it all, my dad committed suicide.
I was able to write you a long list of how life made me mistake. Every day in my thirties, I had a pathetic party with lots of food and wine. The story I was telling myself was that all these bad things had happened, and I was unlucky in life and love. I told myself that my life was destined.
If there was God, the people around me would have lived a better-looking life than I did, so I thought God must have hated me.
With this kind of feeling, I felt that I was the only one who couldn’t feel the goodness of life. I wasn’t good enough, so I kept telling myself that I was destined to be unfulfilled with loneliness at work.
I took care of others in my family to serve my purpose, but I hated it. It made me bitter and indignant. I didn’t do these things because I wanted to do it. I did them because I felt I had to do them.
I thought this was what I should be — a side job of everyone else’s story.
My colleagues continued their lives, got married, gave birth to babies, and bought homes. In the sadness of the past, I got stuck at a pathetic party and couldn’t move on. I felt like I was a kid — helpless, out of control of my life, and sad.
As far as I can remember, I felt anxiety and sadness. I distract from these unpleasant feelings about others, television, busyness, food, and alcohol in later life.
I was a childhood victim, but I continued to live as a victim until my thirties, blaming everyone and God for the poor start of my life. I also blamed myself. If I am enough, my life will be better.
The time has come when you can’t follow the path you’ve been up to and have to take responsibility for your life. My own story. It was time to get out of my own way. I was bottoming out, and it’s time to fight for my own happiness or follow the path my dad followed.
My life seemed meaningless, but I finally heard in me that there was a way to move forward and that I could get out of my way.
This was the beginning of my spiritual and healing journey.
It all started with a simple internet search on how to feel good in the mind, body, and soul.
Among the tips I found were suggestions for practicing everyday gratitude. I started by writing down everything I had at that moment.
For a long time, I focused more on everything I didn’t have than what I did. But I had a lot of friendships, travel, love, high-paying jobs, nice homes, and so on. I ignored all the good stuff, and it robbed me of what I had. The current moment. But now my eyes are open to all the light of my life.
I began to appreciate watching the sunset and sunrise. I searched for good things everywhere. Even in the dark. I was looking for light every day. The more I saw it, the more I found it.
When I found new information and practices, I practiced gratitude. Podcasts, books, teachers, healers, therapies and more. The more I say thank you, the better I found.
The story I was telling myself was changing.
Then I added meditation and mindfulness to my daily routine and began to hear more of my intuition.
What I heard before anything else was horror, but this inner whisper was getting bigger and bigger. An idea like “I don’t love myself” came to my mind, and I saw a quote from Louise Hay, who struck a chord with social media.Someone led me to her book You can heal your life.. I carried out the strategy in her book, and then a smaller step quietly happened to me.
I said thank you every time. I felt more supported by myself and the universe and was not like a victim in my story.
The better I felt inside, the more opportunities I realized. Seeing my favorite job being promoted, I listened to my intuition and guided me to “just try” instead of stopping my fears.
You used to ignore it and think you want it. This time I went just for that. Just like that, I left a toxic work environment for work that was more in line with my values and offered more money.
I attracted better relationships and eventually found love. After looking for more ways to feel good inside and change the way I look at my life and the world, I took in my daily affirmations and walked in nature.
My reality continued to change as I changed within.
Have you ever noticed how your body feels when you say “my life is junk”? You can almost feel your body contract and fear increases. But when you tell yourself, “There are many good things in my life,” your body can almost expand and breathe.
Our words have a great influence on us. Changing that story says we change everything ourselves.
The new information I discovered through my personal quest helped me understand my past. I found people like Gabor Mate explaining concepts such as intergenerational trauma and addiction. This information helped me change the story I told myself when I was a kid. It helped me understand my trauma.
From my intuition, I remember knowing that my relationship with my father needs attention. Then I saw an ad for a new book, Father therapy, Doreen Virtue led me to work as an inner child. This helped me heal my young self.
As I continued my quest for healing and mood, I discovered new healing modalities such as breathwork, EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping Technique), and eye movement techniques.
I said thank you again and again.
All the years I spent as a victim of my story stuck me and couldn’t move forward. But now I’m ready to change the process and express my gratitude. More people were always finding a way for me. I now had so many tools that I didn’t know existed deep inside my pathetic party.
It wasn’t easy. I cried. The horror took days and I couldn’t access my intuition. However, I started my quest again the next day and kept a diary to connect with myself and see what happened the day before. What was my feeling and what did I need?
I showed my love and compassion for the bad days and celebrated the good days. I was no longer a victim of child abuse, but a powerful survivor.
Yes, something bad has happened. But they are not who I am. They are just part of my story. That story led me here and to this place where I am now writing to you. I want to inspire you and show you that whatever it is, it is possible to change your story. There is so much guidance and support available to you when you are ready to find it. When you start paying attention, you will really see it everywhere.
You will also see the inner voice that guides you and access to everything you need to heal. Once you start recognizing all the tools available, you will not feel lonely and will be able to support your journey.
I’m no longer suffering from my childhood experience, but I’m proud of it. They turned me into me and allowed me to help many others on a journey to heal from the past.
I found forgiveness, love, and compassion for those who hurt me, like my father. It helps me feel happy. I didn’t have to forgive him. He did terrible things, but I now understand that they came from his trauma. This gave me great peace of mind.
It takes courage and time to change the inside and become a family trauma cycle breaker. This means that your child will have a different experience. How great is it? What a wonderful gift to give them!
Information, tips, guidance, and light are waiting for you to discover them. You just have to take the first step and decide to become the hero of your story and find the happiness of your own heart.