Men often ask me, how much sex should we have? Is there a number of answers to that? Three times a week, once a week, and so on. Sex works in different ways for different people. It’s a classic chicken or the egg dilemma. What comes first – happiness or frequent sex? For some people, frequent sex makes them happier in their relationships, but for others, happiness and connection are prerequisites for their desire to have sex.
It’s not an easy situation.
I know how painful it is to maneuver and how often I have sex. It is difficult for a couple to be turned down for it, or to turn down your partner, even in a stable relationship. If the relationship is vulnerable due to combat or communication issues, it can be even more problematic.
It doesn’t really matter to throw away oversimplified rules like “sex three times a week”. There are three main reasons why I don’t support this three times a week standard.
I have seen the stuffy effects this kind of rule or instruction can have on a couple. We are hit by so much advice about what we “assume” about sex (“sexy, but not so much for her”, “wait for him to start” , “Try this position, this toy, this technique” etc.). Throwing another arbitrary rule on the table only makes the couple more anxious. It indirectly means that they are not “normal” or have not been measured, which can demoralize the couple’s overall morale.
This general advice overlooks the individual reasons why couples are suffering from sexual life in the first place. Couples may have power struggles or relationship issues that are emerging in their bedrooms. Some partners may be experiencing biological changes that affect their level of alertness. The gender they have can be so uncomfortable / monotonous that one partner begins to withdraw. Someone may have scars of past sexual abuse. The possibilities are endless, and each couple should pay individual attention, not universal advice.
I firmly believe it The process of negotiating a sexual relationship that feels genuine, flexible and connected is one of the richest experiences a couple can experience. Opportunities for personal and relational growth are immeasurable.
Therefore, there are no set rules for how often couples have sex. Much more important than sleeping together any number of times is finding a way to talk and work on sex life together.
I hope you found this article useful. For more information on sexual wellness, check out Healthy Reads or watch a LIVE session by Pallavi Barnwal, a sexual wellness expert on GOQii Play. You can also connect with her on Facebook: https: //www.facebook.com/pallavibarnwalcoach