Motivation

How to find peace and narcissism after a toxic relationship

“Courage leaves a toxic relationship and I know you are better worth.” ~ Unknown

When my marriage was over, it left a big gap that I had to fill desperately, and soon.

With my divorce, an intolerable rejection and unloved feelings arose. To avoid these feelings, fill the gaps and distract me, I turned to dating. And it turned out that it was too early.

What looked like a harmless distraction soon became what I needed to feel coveted and loved. This was a way to avoid doing the difficult task of learning to love yourself, rather than needing external verification to feel good about yourself.

The online dating site was a complete circus and didn’t know how to navigate all of the injured. I ended up falling into a man — let’s call him Steve.

Steve seemed great enough when I met him. He was quiet and seemed a little too passive to me, but he was really crazy about me so I’m back more. It was good to feel that I wanted it again.

He was handsome and kind, with some things in common. We were having fun together, and he was always sending me text messages to greet and chat-again, it made me feel I wanted.

In the end, Steve got farther away. When I raised it, it seemed to be getting worse. But at this point, I was once again fascinated by the feeling of being with someone. Leaving wasn’t an option I would be happy to entertain, as I was obsessed with wanting and feeling loved.

The unconscious programming of my brain to do something to avoid rejection has begun. I have begun to justify everything that should be a danger signal. I realized that I was doing whatever I thought was necessary to prevent Steve from rejecting me, but that didn’t seem to be enough.I unknowingly fell in love with the person I was thinking of requirement To win his love and approval.

Steve and I were both divorced and both were working on mental health issues. The relationship became so co-dependent that I began to set my needs aside to become his caretaker.He doesn’t give back unless it’s convenient, so I worked harder to take him to I want Give back.

It never worked.

As the days went by, I became loved and accepted by someone who would never be able to give me what I wanted or needed. He just couldn’t do that. There was no possible way I could be enough for him.

He eventually broke up with me, but shortly after we resumed our relationship casually. In pondering, I didn’t feel this was a homage to myself, but I wanted to be me, that is, trying to be a profitable casual friend, so I did it. I allowed it.

Eventually our relationship began to get worse again, and when he learned that he was dating another woman behind me, it seemed that we were back in an exclusive relationship. I am very grateful to know this. Because it was the only event that stopped me and intentionally made me respect myself.

I found myself completely lost in this dysfunctional, co-dependent, toxic relationship. There, my only concern was to avoid feelings of refusal and not be loved. It was the last straw for me, and I decided I finished accepting it. I abandoned myself to get something he never tried to give me.

That day I cut off all contact with Steve.

You will find it easy to leave a toxic relationship.. So who wants toxicity? But the truth is, it’s not easy.

Why do you fall into these tricky situations in the first place?

I was happy to do it because my divorce made me so painful, rejected and felt unloved everything To avoid those feelings. Instead of identifying and paying attention to the red flag, which is apparent when you think about it later, I jumped in and continued the pattern of proving that I was worthy of love.

When you are always trying to feel loved and accepted, you will ask yourself questions like “Who do I need to love me?” You transform it to suit the needs of someone else and throw yourself away. You may give too much gifts, love, or shower to all your partners to win their love. you You can feel loved.

The end result is similar to what you were rejected because you felt lonely. However, this time because I abandoned myself and my truth.

You lose yourself and it can end up as lonely as you feel rejected and unloved. That was the way for me. I spent so much time trying to prove my worth, so I lost track of who I was and what I deserved.

At that time, I wasn’t aware of what I needed to do go back home Love and accept yourself first before anyone can give it to me.

Leaving that relationship turned out to be an act of narcissism and the beginning of finding peace.

Was it easy? No. When I left the relationship, I had so many emotions. It was embarrassing to choose him over me many times. There was loneliness and pain associated with the end of relationships. And, of course, I was afraid that I would never find the love and acceptance I was anxious for.

So how did you do that? How did I find inner peace after leaving that toxic relationship?

Really after all, it was to find peace internal myself..

When we have some kind of void, we naturally try to fill it with something else. But if you try to fill the gap with something external, it never works.

If I kept looking to fill that gap with something outside of me after my relationship was over, Until I learned to turn inward and fill myself from the inside, I would probably have bounced from one toxic relationship to another.

So how do you get inward? Part of the reason you got into a toxic relationship in the first place is that you don’t know how to do it.

The act of leaving the relationship was the first step for me. That was a big step. The feelings you feel when you are no longer willing to pretend to be someone other than yourself to gain someone’s love empowers you and gives you a little more confidence that you have regained yourself.

It’s an act of love for yourself.

I didn’t think it was an act of love at the time, but later I found out that it was. It was the first step in rebuilding my relationship with myself.

The next part of the process for me was to reconnect with myself.

We tend to entangle our identities with our partners and forget who we are without our relationship. It happened to me after 17 years of marriage, and it didn’t help to bounce off an unhealthy relationship right away. I spent a lot of time worrying about who I was, and if I was good enough to be loved, I lost sight of my true self.

Reuniting with myself meant spending a lot of time with me. I’ve become better at keeping busy to avoid loneliness, but I knew that to heal I needed to learn how to experience the discomfort of being alone.

I spent a lot of time connecting with nature. I started taking myself out on dinner day alone and I went to the movies alone. And when I wasn’t feeling lonely, I learned how to sit in tears of sorrow and show compassion for what I’m feeling, rather than pushing myself away.

It can be difficult to be alone for someone who has spent a lot of time avoiding rejection. But that’s the part you need to reconnect with your truth, and you’ll learn that it’s not really that bad, as I did. It’s actually refreshing and beautiful to spend time with yourself.

I also reconnected to the support system. When I was in a relationship with Steve, I didn’t prioritize my friends and family as much as I used to. Feeling loved, I began to focus on relationships and abandoned myself as well as some of the most important people in my life. I made some suspicious choices when I thought I needed it for him, and after leaving the relationship, it was time for me to reconnect to my true support system.

But the most important thing I did to find peace after this toxic relationship was to learn to love myself.

I started with a list of all the reasons Steve didn’t deserve to be treated like I was treated. It is written with a dry erase marker on the mirror in my bathroom. Every time I looked in the mirror, I remembered why it was more suitable. I also kept a list of everything I wanted to believe about myself. I wrote a new list every day and eventually started believing in what was on that list one by one.

I decided not to date for a while, so I was able to focus on building confidence in who I am without anyone else. Through my work with therapy and life coaches, I learned that the problem of self-love is rooted in perfectionism and tried to lower my expectations to a more realistic level.

I learned that I was always happy when I was focused on enjoying the moment of being a normal human being.In fact, I am all Just an average person. We all have unique talents and talents, and we don’t have to compete with each other to be exceptional. It turns out that the average is a great place and that accepting this attitude allowed me to live my life with more compassion for myself and others.

The most important step I took towards self-love was to learn how to surrender and accept the present moment as it is. If I felt a lack of self-love, I learned to sit with it and send love to my part that felt that way. I learned to understand who I am at this moment, regardless of what-if. That’s all I know for sure.

A journey to love yourself is the most important journey ever. Narcissism is, of course, an ongoing task, but knowing where you are heading reminds you of who you are, your value, and always rudely choosing yourself. Useful for.

My relationship with Steve was traumatic in many ways, but I’m grateful that I learned a lot and grew up from it. The need to be healed from the co-dependence and toxicity of relationships allows me to find peace knowing that I put myself on the ground, always have myself no matter what, and always choose myself. I made a beautiful space.

It feels calm, and I look forward to working with you.

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