How to heal a mother’s wound and how a daughter heals her own wound

“Your child is not your child. They are sons and daughters longing for itself in life … they have their own thoughts, so you may give them your love. But I can’t give you an idea. Their souls live in tomorrow’s house, so you can contain their bodies, but not their souls … ” ~ Kahlil Gibran

Now that my daughters are being treated to heal my relationship, I am more considerate of my mother than ever before. I haven’t been angry with her for years. But when I was a teenager, I was eager to kill her more than once.

I was in my forties when my mother died. Then I dreamed she was chasing me and said I wasn’t enough. The dream lasted about six months each night and happened for another few years when I was stressed. The last thing I remembered was that she chased me under the bed cover, shouted my worst horror, and reinforced the injured child because I wasn’t adorable and worthless.

About 12 years after she died, I was able to come to a comfortable place with her. During her deep meditation, I saw a vision that her spirit was full of light and love. Freed from her mental and physical distress, I saw her as I did when I was a kid — my universe.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t see herself like I did at the time. I knew her she was beautiful. I remembered her childhood and when she was dying. How often I searched her face and looked for her to meet me.

Like my dad, I have prominent facial features. I wish I had her cute little nose and her cute lips that always look beautiful with her Berry Berry Avon lipstick. Her eyes are blue, so I rarely looked straight. She was uncomfortable with her appearance. Unless she was angry, she didn’t remember her direct eye contact with her, but realized that she must have.

She was born in strabismus. Her story was that her parents were accused of causing a sexually transmitted disease, which caused great shame. My mother also had dyslexia. Sometimes at school she couldn’t spell, so she had to wear a dunce hat and stand in a corner or hall. These challenges have shaped her self-esteem from an early age.

I loved seeing her pictures in her twenties with long dark wavy hair, stylish glasses, and a beautiful smile.

I didn’t cry when she died. I declared her terrorism over and I continued to be angry for another 12 years. In her meditation that day, I saw her as the bright light of my life when I was able to break through the veil of her anger that had locked me in the dark.

For years I knew that part of my healing relied on letting go of talking about time with my mother, one of the mental health problems, abuses and misfortunes. I had to handle our relationship and take the time to meet her beyond her earthly life. When I finally got it, I felt better than I expected.

Through my experience and working with other women, I have learned that our unresolved anger at the wounds of the mother, the defective woman who gave birth to and raised us, is two to three times higher. ..

Our first challenge is to handle the actual events that happened as we grew up.

The second is to let go of the resistance to taking full responsibility for the physical and mental health of an adult.

And if we have children, the third is not to hurt ourselves. I realized that no matter how much we sacrificed ourselves, there was never a scenario where we could be the perfect parent we wanted.

Handle our childhood

Our job as an adult is to make a conscious effort to deal with the wounds, anger and betrayal received from the female authority (or our primary caregiver) who raised us.

Even if my mother decides to do her best, she still needs to sort out the embarrassment of her loveliness, feelings, and missed feelings. the The experience we should have grown up. Treatment and healing can mean meeting the therapist, writing a diary, or stopping all contact with the mother.

Since I moved far away from my mother, I had minimal contact and space for processing. But I lived in the past in my mind. Looking back, I felt like I had missed a normal life for years by staying angry until I became an adult. After all, I was responsible for my own healing, and it didn’t happen overnight.

Now, in this place of my life journey, I see the difficult parts of my life as the basis of the purpose of my life, and I don’t feel like I’m missing.

I met enough people. As we all wanted, we know that even those with perfect parents also have adult challenges. My healing work has fueled my passion to gain a deeper understanding of the human condition, to love it, and to help raise the suffering of all.

How self-care efforts can help heal mother’s wounds

We turned to mothers to provide emotional and physical nutrition. The inability to do this (or consistently) made us feel that her mother was being treated unfairly. Now, as adults, we need to abandon the idea that mothers take care of us and do the work of raising ourselves. It may seem like a tough statement, but it allows us to move on.

The second part of healing my mother’s wounds was to let go of the parts that I didn’t take care of. In my head, that little voice indifferently whispers “don’t care” about the little things that help improve health, sleep well, and succeed.

That little voice doesn’t have much power over me anymore. So, instead of overeating in the evening, which affects your ability to sleep well, you can disable it most days. Also, if you don’t care about yourself, you will find yourself injured again.

When I was young, I had no choice, but now it’s our choice. You need to decide when and how to pick up the torch.

The wounds of our mother Mother ring scratch

My mother’s wound mother The wounds when I couldn’t live up to my desire to be a perfect parent. Of course, I intended to be a loving, upbringing and protecting mother. The mother gave birth to an adult without any problems, but unfortunately I wasn’t. How does this happen? I worked hard.

As a young parent, I still challenged low self-esteem and eating disorders, although I was able to find an alternative to the punitive and violent punishment, shameful, and blame tactics my mother used. was doing.

Some of what happened between my daughter and I experienced three marriages and two divorces was horrifying, but fortunately we handle many of them in real time with treatment and tears. I was able to do.

Now my daughters are adult conscious and deal with my addiction, anxiety, mistakes, childhood. Even if I know they have to do that, it’s almost torture to see them do it. And they are now very busy in their lives. I want to meet them.

To survive this time in my life and continue to grow, I need to adopt the practices of understanding, compassion, and separation and take great care of myself. By continuing to love my daughters deeply, answering the phone whenever they needed me, and at the same time away from not needing them, I was called deeper into my personality. ..

We all deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. As daughters and mothers, we can put the model’s compassion, or empathy, into action and build boundaries between mothers and children. We can strive to build relationships that mutually nurture loving-kindness.

We can focus on healing the past and cherishing the future. We all need to communicate this clearly to our mothers, partners and children. And while you can’t leave underage children, you can now set boundaries that promote healthy relationships.

We can clarify — our children don’t have to be perfect in their lives or their mothers. They need to know that they are loved and see that we love ourselves. Keeping this love for them and ourselves is our greatest challenge as parents, even when our children are in trouble, far away, or even estranged. It is one of. My heart is directed at all mothers working on these challenges, especially if you are dealing with them alone.

I never stopped my mother to be happy. She is now peaceful and probably happy. I strive to be peaceful myself. I made myself live in this place of deep tenderness for her, and now for me. I understand that my experience is universal. I don’t have to feel lonely.

This confident and peaceful version of mine is the best I can do as my daughters heal their mother’s wounds and take care of them, as I do for myself. I noticed.

Healing the wounds of our mother is to remember that it is ultimately a spiritual journey. Not only are we trying to understand the depth of our purpose, but we are also bound by the journey of our relatives.

Like all spiritual journeys, there are rough passages that tear our hearts and ask us to be more. Mother’s journey is a journey of love. We need to remember that we are the designers of the road ahead, no matter how difficult the journey is behind us.

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