“We are not looking at things as they are. We are looking at things like us.” ~ Anais Nin
When I was young, I stared at the blue sky and asked, “Is it really a good place?” “Did they drop me on the wrong planet?” I wondered.
I felt that it didn’t suit me and I didn’t belong to it. Things seemed very easy to others. Even when something hurts, I can easily move forward, and every time my loved one hurts, I feel an arrow pierce my heart, or a difficult situation arises.
Looking around, I was very distressed. Being incredibly sensitive, I did more than I could see. I jumped into suffering. At that time, I made a strong judgment that I was emotional. About 20% of the population is very sensitive and I did not know that it is a gift and deep emotional trait.
While observing the surroundings quietly, I watched the family suffering with tears. When my mother was afraid, I felt with a deep-seated sensibility. I saw the news and thought, “Look at all the horrifying things that are happening there.” Everything I see and feel reflects what I have determined to be true as a child. The world is neither safe nor good.
It was in the early days that I got into the habit of worrying about my loved ones and the world. For me, life was a tornado of the worst scenario, and what-ifs consumed me.
At that time, I didn’t realize that thinking was a way to get out of my feelings. The pain was so shocking that I never let it touch me. Instead, I tried to control the situation in my own way. I couldn’t wait to see how things unfolded. I started to draw negative conclusions to reassure myself. If you already know it’s bad, you won’t be shocked if something horrible happens.
I took on the role of helper to save others. They were suffering very much. If they weren’t suffering, I believed I wouldn’t suffer and I could finally live. I believed they were more powerful because I was able to control their pain, lead to it and help them.
I was always overwhelmed, so my nervous system was overdriven to protect me from all the thoughts and perceptions I adopted about life. A few years later, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease and saw first-hand how years of stress, life in my head, and emotional avoidance affect my health.
The turning point came when I realized that I was doing all this suffering. After receiving the painful news about my family, I made a breakthrough. My reaction to the news was so much pain and horror that I felt it wasn’t about the situation.
That was me. I have created a life that revolves around fixing others. I need to help them so that I can feel safe. I believe the pain I felt was due to them, their hardships, and the dark world in which we live.
The truth was that I was suffering from a lot of pain that had nothing to do with them. It was easier than focusing on myself, so I wore a superwoman cloak hoping to save others.
At that time, I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. I was hiding behind the “perfect helper” mask, so I didn’t have to admit that I was struggling with my identity and purpose, but focused on the task of discovering and accepting my true self.
With this sudden realization, I realized that there must be another way to look at life. The more distracting I was, the less vigilant I was, and the more I felt like a volcano.
I looked a little deeper and saw a golden door under my emotional dark water, and the only way to that door was swimming in the water. I used the deep-seated love I felt for everyone around me and sent it inward to myself, the one who needed it most.
I did this by hiring a coach for my first life. It was the first time I had invested in myself solely for the purpose of loving and caring for myself. It wasn’t about changing my appearance, making more money, or building relationships. It was for my heart and soul. Raise your voice, be heard, receive love, and shed light on the intertwined nets that are embraced in me.
I knew that life would be filled with laughter, joy, and self-confidence if you started to focus more on your problems and needs than others. I was ready to remove the weight of the world from my shoulders. I have begun to imagine my life as exciting, full of adventure, romance, and above all, peace of mind!
When I turned on the lights inside, I had a deep-rooted belief that my life was in my hands, and I knew from the bottom of my heart that I could hold the reins and do whatever I wanted to do.
I realized that my worries and fears were also in me. That meant I had the power to change them.
The golden door began to approach every day when I empowered myself with love and awareness, swam in the water of pain, and challenged two restricted beliefs. ..
I learned that my body, trying to protect myself from worries, is always on the alert. Our bodies cannot tell the difference between the actual danger and the perceived danger. I was always thinking of negative and horrifying thoughts, so my nervous system was strengthened in case I needed to be aware of the dangers and fight. As I practiced breathing, yoga and exercise, my nervous system calmed down and was neutralized.
Instead of fighting to give up addiction to anxiety and anxiety, I began to add narcissism, compassion, and acceptance. I sat down with my own feelings and invited him to tea. I was scared and shivered, but with the time and support I believed that my life experience was happening for me, not for myself.
There is always something unknown in life. Instead of fearing or controlling them, I began to accept them and admit that whatever was happening was in the best interests. In fact, all the difficulties I encountered have become catalysts for reconnecting with my true self. I unlabeled life, not good or bad, and saw it all as part of one overall experience.
It wasn’t hard to find trust and love, they were in me. May everything be in you now. The difference was my focus and perspective. Instead of relying on fear and anxiety to fix and change the world, I began to slow down and let go of the illusion of control.
Putting yourself first and seeing yourself meant seeing the broken part with the whole and saying that I love it all! I accept it all! I trust it all!
When I think about my life and the planet where my soul has fallen, I am in awe and wondering about the beauty and magic that surrounds me. It’s in the bright eyes of my daughter, the warm hugs of my friends, and the sound of the waves crashing against the beach. I can now see what was hidden from me when I was constantly afraid.
The endless love I gave myself created a sense of security that allowed me to experience life with much less fear and anxiety.
I know that whatever happens in my life, I have my back. I respect what exists by listening to my needs and loving myself through possible difficulties, rather than judging or hiding myself.
The first step to a big change is awareness. Magic can happen when you meet your awareness with a loving arm.
If you too are overwhelmed by all the pain around you and think you need to control it for your safety, return your focus to yourself. Believe that both darkness and light serve our purpose for all of us. That way, you don’t have to save or fix anyone else. You need to take care of yourself, respect your needs, and believe that whatever happens, you can handle it with the power of your narcissism.