Business & Investment

“I cut his hair because he doesn’t pay for a haircut.”: My millionaire husband is 90 years old.I have taken care of him for 41 years but he does not help my son

My husband and I have been married for the second time and have been married for 41 years. He has three sons since his previous marriage and I have a son and a daughter. He inherited the place where we built our house 40 years ago. He founded the Charity Residual Trust and currently holds $ 6 million.

He is in the process of selling an additional 50 acres for about $ 2 million and will trust it. He set it up for our kids and I to get a percentage after he died. He is 90 years old and in good health. I am 76 years old and have health problems. I think he will live longer than I do.

The problem is that I need some money now. My son (his son-in-law) has had a car accident and needs help. He has had seven surgeries in the last two years and will undergo hip arthroplasty this week. When it heals, he has to change his shoulders.

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“His sons will not let him live with them. They will put him in a nursing home.”

His wife underwent brain surgery a few years ago to stop an epileptic seizure, but she lost short-term memory. She also began to have seizures, and her doctor told her she could never return to work as a registered nurse. They clearly need financial assistance.

My husband helped them last year, but he resented it and didn’t continue to help them. I called a divorce lawyer about the possibility of taking him to court to break our marriage, and he said I was entitled to receive half of my husband’s assets .. But I haven’t even acted in our house.

You cannot live with him just by applying for another maintenance. He’s hard enough to live with in the first place, but this breaks my heart. I have been taking care of him for 41 years. He barely gives me to pay our bills. I cut his hair because he doesn’t pay for a haircut.

His sons do not let him live with them. They would put him in a nursing home, but he was too healthy to go to a nursing home and had all his mental abilities. I don’t know what to do, so please give me some advice. You’ve never heard of someone who has too much money.

Wife and mother

You can email The Moneyist financial and ethical questions related to the coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com.

Dear wife,

Your son’s problem is like the last straw of the saying. My suspicion is that over the years there were many such straws, large and small, that were candidates for the last straw, but they were replaced by another straw.

It’s not just money. He is not obliged to pay your son, but given that they are dealing with the aftermath of a car accident, you clearly see this as an act of contempt for you and your own family. ..

Why do you cut his hair when you feel such a grudge against him? Why are you still married? Because you love each other and / or there is a power imbalance in your relationship, and there is a significant economic disparity. You have to be equal. Otherwise, there is a price to pay for all kind acts.

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There is a trade-off: endure the current discomfort and helplessness, or confront your husband with all the discomfort that accompanies it.

Then what should I do? Even if your marriage contract isn’t broken, your social contract may already be broken. The stress you feel is probably that the work you spend on acting like the basis of marriage is solid when it isn’t. Describe your need and what you need in this marriage to make it work.

To be fair to your husband, he has already helped your son. He could feel used and wearing it. Explain to him that you are a partner in this marriage, you have the right to make your own decisions about money, and you need more autonomy for your joint finances.

There is a trade-off: endure the current discomfort and helplessness, or confront your husband with all the discomfort that accompanies it. If you choose legal action and apply for legal separation, it’s not surprising, and you both need to know why.

Boyd Law, a California law firm, offers several Attention and useful words For those in your situation: “After the party has legally separated, they are no longer a” community “. From this point on, each party’s cumulative assets and liabilities are his / her own, not shared property. “

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Whether you still live under the same roof or not, there are benefits to separating your financial life without divorce.

“Clarify the date of separation between you and your ex-spouse to protect your property in the event of separation or divorce,” the law firm adds. “It can be difficult to determine the date of separation while living together. We need proof of separation that can be presented to the court.”

The Void method says it’s better for you to clarify this date. “To achieve this, start living as separately as possible under the same roof. Living in different rooms, preparing meals for each other, washing each other, and stopping wearing wedding rings. , Do not use separate bank accounts. “

Whether you still live under the same roof or not, there are benefits to separating your financial life without divorce. For example, you share costs and still benefit from shared health insurance. Ultimately, it’s a decision that only you can make. It’s your life, your choice.

You consider cutting his hair not as an act of love, but as an act of service. This suggests that the problem here runs deeper than individual assets and couples’ assets, and who controls or does not control them. But I agree with you: One married person should not have all the cards.

Moneyist: “My husband told me that my $ 1,400 stimulating check would be used for aluminum siding in our house.” What can I do?

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“I cut his hair because he doesn’t pay for a haircut.”: My millionaire husband is 90 years old.I have taken care of him for 41 years but he does not help my son

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