“Rain falls equally on justice and injustice, so let your kindness fall equally on all, not on your heart.”
Our burden comes in many forms. They are our relationships, our responsibilities, and our past that plagues us from under our consciousness. They oppress us and prevent us from experiencing the true joy of life.
Some people have to take care of most sick families in their lives. Some women give birth to stillborn babies. Some soldiers are blown off during deployment.
My story is extraordinary. I am a white middle class woman. My life was easy, and I have no reason or right to feel emotionally oppressed in this world. Still, throughout my life, I felt a burden to the people around me.
As with many stories, it all started with my parents.
My mother always told me how to buy a book for a strong-willed child because I am “too much” as a toddler. She didn’t know how to treat me.
Both my parents encouraged me to become independent: do it yourself, whether I’m ready or not. In many cases I was. But when it wasn’t, I wanted to be a good girl, so I tried my best until I could become independent.
They praised my independence. I have also seen them criticize those who depend on others or make others use them.
I love my parents so much that I kept this in mind and vowed that I would never burden them.
I’ve spent most of my life fighting to control how others see me and ensuring that I’m not burdened.
When I was a young adult and graduated from college for a few years, I was kicked out of my first (beloved) educational job. I had nowhere to go and was waiting for a reply from the graduate course I applied for.
I never asked them to come back, but my parents told me.
After picking up my broken pieces, I towed my husband at the time to go on to graduate school.
I married my first husband at the age of 24 and mistaken pain for love. He suffered from depression, anxiety, and deep self-loathing and had serious problems. I was going to save him. I intended to be the force that moves him from “burden” to “power.”
We fought, struggled, suffered, and perhaps, as you guessed, I didn’t save of any kind. But for years I endured relentless emotional and verbal abuse. We can say that our toxic relationship is entirely his fault, but unfortunately that’s not the way things work.
After years of low emotional coordination skills and believing that everything in life was a burden, I treated him like one. Communication was two-way and I was a good emotional manipulator. After finishing my third year of marriage to graduate school, I finally admitted that our relationship was built on pain and divorced him.
I got a new job, left my marriage failure and my parents, and moved to a new state. For the first time in my life, I met a man who made me feel like I wasn’t burdened.
As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “You must love in a way that your loved one feels free.”
To date, my husband makes me feel light and free. He sits with all my emotions, all my good emotions and all my bad emotions. He takes my lack of communication and poor emotional self-regulation skills at once, and when I make him feel burdened, he gently calls me.
My husband taught me what it means to love unconditionally and provide support without expecting any reward. And he also taught me how to give me unconditional love.
Over the years, I’ve become increasingly good at recognizing my feelings of being a burden to others and how others can be a burden to me.
A few years ago, my mother turned her criticism on one of her best friends. She gives her adult daughter money by paying some of their bills. I didn’t know how my daughters would stand on their feet, so when my mother was furious for more than 30 minutes, I wondered if my friend was wrong in giving me money, and the feeling that it was my burden burned into my heart. ..
I bit my tongue. Telling her to stop raining the judgment of others only puts a burden on me.
But that was the moment I experienced the turning point. I realized that it was my burden not to burden others!
It’s like a saying. “Busy to worry if they like you, don’t even think if you like them.”
The very things I avoided in my life became the heaviest burden I had every day.
Last summer I saw my dad not admit any emotions or sadness after finding his 89-year-old mother who died one morning. Instead, he complained about having to cancel her cable, hiring a painter for her condo, and the burden of being her executor. And he commented on how much time my mother spends taking care of her 97 year old mother.
He said how long would it take for my maternal grandmother to die. How much time will they spend when my brother’s children are in school, and they don’t have to be babysitters. How much time do they have when my mother can retire and there is no burden of having to work … the list goes on.
I don’t want to make life or my time easier for others. Instead of waiting for all my burdens to disappear, I spend my life just knowing that all the joy is gone and nothing remains.
The opposite of joy is not pain: it is numbness.
When you get rid of the pain, you lose joy and feel empty.
You can’t take yourself out of the burden of others (it’s in them). I can’t even get rid of all my burden.but, you are can Overcome your burden, transcend your pain and find more joy in life.
If you feel the burden of others, understand that everyone on this planet, including you, deserves connection and support. Needing help, asking for help does not burden you, and even if someone hinted at or told you this directly, they were wrong.
If you are desperate for the existence of loved ones without any expectation, keep in mind. They are there. And when you find them, learn from them how to give them unconditional love and give them to them in return. You don’t have to experience life alone.
If you’re waiting for a hassle-free time, remember that you can choose where to focus.this is easy Ruminant about our burden and suffering. If you find yourself obsessed with your burden, gently release your thoughts.
Find relationships, creative practices, hobbies, and other joy-based builds in your life. These are great ways to stop pain and relieve mood.
And remember that judgment is a burden.Ask yourself what the burden is before you judge others they You may be carrying it. You can’t get rid of their burden, but just being there and listening can help them carry them.
It will rain in your life. We are all burdened and sometimes feel burdened. But if you can change your perspective, you can avoid the burden and experience all the joy that life offers. And if you’re lucky, you can bring your joy and kindness to others.