Business & Investment

“I’m a simple joyful person”: I live with my girlfriend, 59. She owned several homes and saved $ 3 million. I pay for utilities and cables and do a lot of repairs. Is that enough?

While living in my girlfriend’s house, I think it’s more than fair when it comes to sharing costs, but I was able to use a bit of perspective.

My 59-year-old retired girlfriend is wealthy. Her lakeside home has additional constructable lots, all Florida condos, residential and commercial rentals have been paid off, and she has over $ 3 million in cash and investment. She has also been collecting dependents from her for several years.

I’m hired at the age of 62 and have less than $ 1 million in cash and investment. I have no debt other than car leasing, I manage my finances carefully, and I am a simple joy person.

I moved with her a few years ago and believe that I will pay a significant portion of my daily expenses and contribute to running my household. I pay all utilities and cables, donate the same amount to groceries, and do a fair amount of work around the house: various handyman activities (faucet replacement, dryer repair, etc.) and landscape Do maintenance. Also, minor property improvements that I would be happy to contribute to the cost.

These improvements have added value to her home. I make many minor repairs on her rental property and coordinate the work of the contractor on her behalf. Because I’m good at making sure things are done right and she gets what she pays for. I have spring for most food and entertainment, and I am happy to do so. We usually share travel expenses.

“”“She feels stressed and focused on me when there are expensive repairs and taxes. I say I don’t have another rent and should contribute more financially.”

I realize I’m saving money without spending another house and I’m grateful for the opportunity to live in her beautiful house and thereby make more eggs for my retirement.

Given our significantly different financial situation, I think it’s best to keep our property separate, and she agrees. Even if I live longer than her and reveal it to her, I don’t expect anything from her property.

This is rubbing. She regularly complains about the cost of maintaining and repairing her property and what she owns (boats, vehicles, etc.), but many of her purchases fall to the side of the road and are free. I’m impulsive. They weren’t what she expected or really wanted.

I see this as just a waste of spending, and I think she would change her spending habits if she was really worried about her financial future. Much of the real estate repairs are due to her bad choices in the past, which she admits, but hires friends and acquaintances who do poor work that is not overlooked.

With expensive repairs and taxes, she emphasizes and focuses on me, saying I should contribute more financially because I don’t have the cost of another home.

In my opinion, maintenance and repair costs associated with what she owns are, like me, her responsibility. I think it’s the same if our situation reverses — if I own it, it’s my responsibility. I have some both male and female friends who live with my partner. They manage things the same way I think they should. What do you think?

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Your letter and situation are simple and complex. If you choose to see it, they are simple because you already have the answer in the palm of your hand. These are complex because you need to find the right solution for both parties. Now, from what you say in the letter, your arrangement looks more suited to you than your girlfriend.

Simple part: She told you what she wanted. She believes that if you pay more for your living expenses, it will be more fair. I understand that “rent” looks like a dirty word in a relationship, especially because it suggests a power imbalance (landlord / tenant) and a temporary rather than permanent arrangement. Is called rent.

She may tell you this when she’s stressed, but sometimes people just say what they really feel and what they’re preying on their minds during heated discussions. I have the courage. Is it a healthy way to communicate and discuss important issues? no. But does that mean she doesn’t want to contribute more to you? No, again.

“”“Whether intentional or unintentional, you justify your own desire to enhance your retirement savings by telling yourself that your girlfriend has a lot of money she deliberately spends. Take the risk. “

Complexity: How you contribute to your household, and the disparity in your financial position. For the former, knowing that these handyman jobs are of monetary value, “earn your maintenance” by making repairs. You are willing to help and, intentionally or unintentionally, deduct those jobs from your imaginary rent.

Ask your girlfriend if you can give her advice on her purchase. (Before weighing, it’s always better to ask if you can open the door to one-sided advice.) As I said A woman who wanted to buy a $ 30,000 bracelet, We often buy what we believe it fills the emotional or spiritual void in our lives. If not, buy more.

But these two issues, your contribution and your girlfriend’s consumption habits, are different issues. It is a mistake to confuse the two. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, you run the risk of justifying your own desire to support your retirement savings by telling yourself that your girlfriend has plenty of money.

So what do you do now? You acknowledge that solving these economic dilemmas will strengthen your communication skills and relationships. Ask your girlfriend what she believes will be a fair donation each month. If there is room for negotiation, an agreement can be reached by hiring money and a competent repairman.

Without this conversation, Room proton From the front, you will continue to stumble on it.

Yo ou can email The Moneyist at with financial and ethical questions related to the coronavirus and follow QuentinFottrell. twitter.

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Moneyist regrets not being able to answer the question individually.

Other works by Quentin Fottler:

•• My married sister is helping her parents’ most important fortune. How do you stop her from plundering their home?
•• My mother had my grandfather sign the trust, leaving millions of dollars for his two grandchildren and shunning everyone else
•• My brother’s soon ex-wife is embezzling money from their business. How do I find a hidden account?
•• “Grandma recently died, leaving behind seven-digit real estate. Needless to say, things are messed up.”

“I’m a simple joyful person”: I live with my girlfriend, 59. She owned several homes and saved $ 3 million. I pay for utilities and cables and do a lot of repairs. Is that enough? “I’m a simple joyful person”: I live with my girlfriend, 59. She owned several homes and saved $ 3 million. I pay for utilities and cables and do a lot of repairs. Is that enough?

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