Business & Investment

“I’m being neglected”: My husband for 10 years stopped paying his salary to our joint account — and asked me to pay $ 900 for our rent

Dear Quentin,

I have been married for 10 years. We share two young children and I have two stepchildren. We fully custody of his two children during the marriage without financial support from the mother.

He and I paid basically all the costs equally because we were checking the salary jointly. To be honest, I always felt that I shouldn’t pay my children-in-law.

We started having money problems a few years ago. When they got very bad, my husband opened a new bank account and deposited a check with me who was inaccessible.

He earns $ 150,000 a year and I earn about $ 45,000. He paid all the invoices for several months. He asked me to pay $ 900 a month for our $ 3,000 rent.

Is this fair? I take $ 2,400 a month home. It will be neglected. I’m not good at paying his children, so I think I’m having a hard time. What do you think?

Wife, mother, stepmother

Dear wife, mother and stepmother,

It is difficult to be a stepmother and help raise a husband’s child without financially contributing to life. As their stepmother, you are their guardian and hopefully their friend. After all, they were or were part of your family. If you split your costs and they noticed it, it would have made them feel like strangers in their own home. Make peace with the fact that you have made the right decision to pool your resources.

It’s a good idea to have a potentially tricky financial conversation before traveling with you. Of course, getting used to a particular method and suddenly changing it is never easy. You contributed equally to the cost of a salary, which is about one-third of your husband’s salary, while your husband is paying all of your rent. I think it’s a shock to be asked to pay in 10 years. Still, change will happen.

Given your salary gap, it’s hard to argue that you shouldn’t donate one-third of your rent. You are a smaller household at a lower cost, which is equal to your respective salary. The money paid to his two children can be considered part of the rent if it helps to sweeten the bitter taste. However, expressing dissatisfaction with these contributions is now a fruitless task and only leads to malicious intent.

This does not mean that we cannot discuss further why the husband moved to another checking account when he previously pooled resources. What has changed between your financial life and your husband’s financial security? Asking questions and expressing one’s feelings is a more productive way to explore what these changes mean. Those are important conversations.

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Moneyist regrets not being able to answer the question individually.

Other works by Quentin Fottler:

•• I live with my girlfriend, 59 years old. She owned several homes and saved $ 3 million. I pay for utilities and cables and do a lot of repairs. Is that enough?
•• “He is the least computer-savvy person I know.”: I was my husband’s research analyst, caregiver, cook, and housekeeper. Now he wants a divorce 38 years later.
•• “Our friends have always longed for a relationship like us.”: My husband, 16 years old, left me to another man. I don’t want them to live in our property. what can I do?

“I’m being neglected”: My husband for 10 years stopped paying his salary to our joint account — and asked me to pay $ 900 for our rent “I’m being neglected”: My husband for 10 years stopped paying his salary to our joint account — and asked me to pay $ 900 for our rent

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