Motivation

Love yourself more for more love in your relationship (5 tips)

“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the gap in you, but no one will be able to do that.” ~ Lori・ Deshen

Two years ago, I was sitting in the basement and weeping. I just found a copy of an old letter I wrote to my old boyfriend many years ago. In it, I was actually begging for his love and complaining and embarrassing him for not loving me well.

When I read, I overcame three insights, all of which caused great emotions.

First, I needed it because I was hungry for love all the first half of my life, so this and subsequent relationships, including my first marriage, created a lot of pain and discord.

I was anxious to feel loved, so I was always focused on not being well cared for and my current romantic partner not loving me properly.

Then I complained to him, criticized him, told him a long story for hours to explain what I wanted, and tried to make him better by crying at him.The worship I wanted-it inevitably led to conflicts, discontinuities, and emotions Less than Be loved and connected!

The second insight was that I did all this because I simply didn’t love myself good. So the only way I could feel the love I needed was from the outside (because we all need love). (Since then, I’ve learned that this isn’t the job everyone wants to do. It’s burdensome, exhausted, limited, and many aren’t equipped to do it. Because!)

My big tears really came from this second insight. And that deep compassion for me that old. The tears of forgiveness, the tears of recollection of suffering for many years, and the tears of joy do not suffer like I used to.

I now have a true love for this woman, so there are all the flaws in humans.

The third insight is years after the second marriage, not because the husband loved the man the most, but because he loved himself enough. Recognize and receive His love in the natural way he gave it!

In other words, I was able to felt It is a deep acceptance of his love. Because I knew I was very adorable. Because I love myself very much. So I was no longer pushing away the love I love. It was a lot of fun!

After processing all this and completing the tears of recognition, forgiveness and love, I left the basement with such a sense of accomplishment. I’m really winning.

Because I chose to do the work necessary to learn how to really love myself. And it was rewarded in such a beautiful way.

The problem is that we humans are not naturally wired to love ourselves. We never enter this world with a warm and cozy feeling about ourselves.To Of course I feel great about who we are. It requires caregivers to nurture a kind of early life in our lives, and to consistently model narcissism as we grow up. This is unusual in this world.

Many of us don’t understand it. And we are never taught how to love and deeply admire ourselves (mainly because our caregivers do not model themselves!).

It’s even more difficult for a sensitive person like me.

When we are young, we often receive signals from the world around us that we are a little weird and a little unusual, that is, something is a little wrong. This makes it even harder for us to feel better about ourselves.

So, as adults, we really need to learn how to love the people we are in.

I’m happy to say that loving myself is now natural for me.

To be clear, this doesn’t mean I’m looking at myself in the mirror, nor does it mean I think I’m better than anyone else. But I really enjoy who I am. I think you can rely on yourself for a sense of security. And I feel really adorable, whether or not others think of me that way.

This makes it very easy to love and feel loved for my marriage. It’s about taking the risks necessary to work and have the most evolved, deeply loved, fun, enjoyable and passionate marriage I know of.

It is rooted in the love of my husband and the love of my husband, so I spend a lot of time just enjoying the love of my husband.

I want the same for you in your relationship!

I find many very sensitive people know them should do it I love myself more, but many say I don’t know how.

If you feel the same, I want to help you get rid of the mystery from it.

Here are five parts of the process I used to develop a true love for myself.

1. Understand where self-love comes from.

Whether you love yourself begins with your belief in who you are, your goodness and value (or lack of it), and your thoughts on whether you should love others.

Of course, most of the unloving thoughts you are currently thinking about yourself come from what you were. Taught You can believe in yourself in caregivers, teachers, friends, acquaintances, and even magazines and movies.

As young and impressive beings, we unknowingly take on the thoughts of others about us, the messages we receive from our society (many of which are just misunderstandings and misunderstandings), and these thoughts are me. We are solidified in those who think we are.

For example, many very sensitive people consider it “too sensitive” or “too emotional.” I got the message from another person! But when we think of ourselves, we feel narcissistic, not self-love.

The amazing news is that your thoughts, ideas and beliefs are not fixed. It’s not the case. Even if we all have a natural negative bias (meaning that the brain is more likely to find our own mistakes), we don’t have to believe what the brain is telling us. And now that we are adults, we don’t have to keep regurgitating our thoughts about ourselves, who are critical, judgmental, and frankly wrong with others.

No matter what others imply about you, and what you believe in yourself to this day, you can decide what you want to believe in yourself. The choice is really up to you.

2. Oversee your old ideas.

Start by not believing in all the crap that your brain tells you about yourself: You are too antisocial or too moody.Or a sneaky first-person version such as: “I Not smart enough.I react too much.. I have something wrong.

To start “disbelieving” such things, take the time to question the negative beliefs that you have adopted about yourself from others, or the beliefs that come from the part you are looking for a brain defect. please give me.

For example, my parents told me that I was an “artistic person” and my brother was an “intelligent person.” They didn’t mean to do any harm, but I took it in the sense that I wasn’t smart. That was what I told myself for over 35 years of my life, until I took the time to investigate how true it was. After all, I’m artistic and intellectually wise.

Your turn: Ask yourself.Who are the negative thoughts about me I undoubtedly believe?? ” When “Why were they wrong about me?? (I promise, they were wrong! Remember, they also had the brains to look for flaws that overlooked many of your amazing things.)

If those negative thoughts about yourself reappear (and they will do so because they are programmed there), calm them down by telling yourself some versions of this. Continue to deprogram to:I go The brain looking for defects again in judgment mode. Or “It’s old, outdated, and a painful idea. But it’s just an idea, not the truth.”

3. Create a “soft landing” within yourself for the moment when your hard emotions burn.

Think of this as a friendly zone of your mind and mind, reserved to meet yourself with the warmth that your dear friends give you when they are upset or hurt. A figurative place where you can retreat to comfort yourself. You could wrap yourself when you needed it, as if you had the most cozy and snug blanket in your mind.

So, like all of us, whether you make a mistake, say something you regret, fail a goal, be judged by someone or yourself, or do something you feel sick, about … You can turn to yourself and meet the kindness and warmth from the inside.

To start creating your own, answer the following questions. If your best friend or child gets hurt, how do you get there? How is my attitude towards them? What would i say? How am I with them?

Then, if something is “wrong”, tell yourself these exact things. This will help you build a loving relationship with yourself, even when you do not follow any of your higher standards. This is the beginning of unconditional self-love.

4. Choose to be grateful for yourself and focus on having fun.

It’s as easy as asking yourself, “How do I like (or be adorable) me?” Let your brain go looking for lots of small answers. Nothing is too small.

When you find something to admire about yourself, your emotions follow your thoughts and you will feel better about yourself.

You will have to be deliberate about all of this for weeks or months. Over time, this will rewire your brain, so you will naturally and comfortably see your goodness and feel really good about who you are. If you are an HSP like me, this article will give you some great starting points.

5. Set small, achievable goals for yourself. It proves that you can be the one you love and admire more and more.

Keep in mind, you don’t have to improve yourself to love yourself. You now love exactly who is how.

However, achieving one’s goals is not only a gesture of self-love, but becoming the person you want to be will dramatically increase your self-confidence and pride, and naturally increase your self-love.

For example, if you are happy to be more patient with your loved one, deliberately increase your patience by putting yourself in a situation where you can gently test and strengthen your patience. (That is, playing a board game with a 4-year-old kid). I had three of them, so I had a lot of practice to strengthen my patience and now I have more reasons to feel better about myself!

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Did you learn how to love yourself so that you don’t have to worry or feel awkward? Or is there a conflict between her husband and me? Or does it mean that we always have perfect love and joy?

of course not.

But I love myself through all of that. I always know that I have my own safe and gentle arms. You can go back for absolute support and love, both good and bad.

And since I have a lot of love in myself, I can give my husband more love, and I don’t always have to get it from him (I was hurt when I was young) like).

I am the one I want to be and can concentrate on loving him as he is perfectly. So he feels free, safe and happy around me (no shameful criticism falls on him), which ironically makes him love me more clearly every day!

Learning how to love myself has also had a major impact on other areas of my life that are of great importance to me. You can do brave things in a previously distant world, such as hosting your own podcasts or helping people in bigger ways than ever before.

I have also really healed relationships with some of the more challenging people in my life. My dad and the old lovers I’ve long thought I was wrong. And when I think of these people, instead of feeling sad, hurt, or longing, I feel love. I feel that it is very fulfilling and good.

Because I chose to learn narcissism and keep choosing it every day.

This is all possible for you as well, when you make a deliberate effort to learn to love yourself.

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