Business & Investment

My son is married to a selfish, passive-aggressive woman. How can she leave money for him without getting it?

Dear Quentin,

My 42-year-old only child married a woman 12 years ago.

She is selfish, hermit, very passive and aggressive. I don’t know why my intelligent son is married. She alienated all his friends and family. My daughter-in-law never attends family events. She has a very friendly 18 year old daughter with a disability. I have treated her as if it were my flesh and blood.

Last year, my 43-year-old husband died. When I die, my property has a fair amount of money (if everything goes according to plan). My son has a wonderful life and doesn’t need any money from me. But I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want my daughter-in-law to give me money or things.

How can I donate the rest to charity and give him at least some money without getting into the hands of my daughter-in-law? My granddaughter, as I call her, is very physically handicapped and unable to pay because the state pays for medical care. She will never be able to work. We would appreciate any suggestions.

Very lonely and sad

You can email The Moneyist with financial and ethical questions related to the coronavirus at and follow Quentin Fottrell. twitter.

Dear one,

People have relationships for a variety of reasons, and he chose her despite the fact that you believe your daughter-in-law is bad for your husband.

He remains married, assuming her behavior has deteriorated over the years. He gets something from it — enough for him to stay married. You can ask him, “Are you happy?” Or express that he sometimes feels like he can’t meet his old friends enough. But you can’t live his life for him.

You can set up a trust for your son without a prenuptial agreement or, in fact, a prenuptial agreement. The trust allows you to specify how your son will receive the money (for example, as income rather than a lump sum). It can also be used for specific purposes (if the stepdaughter needs more care, or simply at the expense of your son). This may be preferable to a lump sum that could accidentally (or otherwise) be mixed in with the couple’s property.

Some people trust their real home in case they lose an adult child. “You can be a beneficiary and also a trustee,” he said. Alice A. Salvo Law Firm.. “When you die, the property can remain in trust for the benefit of your adult child or can be handed over to him or her according to the terms of the trust. Because the house is not part of the certified real estate, inspection It will not be part of the recognition process. “

Check the state rules to see if the gift is considered a community or another property. Inheritance is generally considered a separate property unless it is deposited in a joint bank account or, for example, money is used to renovate a family home. Laws vary from state to state.of Tennessee, For example, gifts are generally considered a separate property, while gifts are considered a community property. New York..

under Achieving a better life experience in 2014 (ABLE Act), you can also open a tax-preferred ABLE account to cover the eligible disability costs of the step granddaughter nominated as the beneficiary of the designated account. The annual donation limit is equal to the annual gift tax exemption and only cash donations are allowed. This is what you need to know According to MarketWatch’s Tax Guy, how the ABLE account works.

In the meantime, the healthier your relationship with your daughter-in-law, the more access you have to your family. It’s hard to let go of the grudges, the few perceived opinions, and the opinions that have been formed over a long period of time, but if we ask for them, even the difficult people have good qualities. She can be a good mother or wife, whether she is sociable or extroverted. Her reserves have something to do with her own pain and upbringing and may have nothing to do with you.

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Moneyist regrets not being able to answer the questions individually.

Other works by Quentin Fottrell:

•• “I don’t trust my sister”: How can I give money to my mother’s inaccessible niece?
•• We are married and have a baby on the way.My wife offered to repay my $ 10,000 student loan and $ 7,500 mortgage
•• I have three children. I resigned my home as the most responsible son.Now he blocked my phone
•• My brother-in-law confused his house and died. His landlord wants me to repaint and replace the carpet. What should we do?

My son is married to a selfish, passive-aggressive woman. How can she leave money for him without getting it? My son is married to a selfish, passive-aggressive woman. How can she leave money for him without getting it?

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