“Sometimes you get what you want. Also, patience, timing, integrity, empathy, compassion, faith, patience, resilience, humility, trust, meaning, awareness, resistance, purpose, clarity. You may also take lessons about sadness, beauty, and life. In any case, you win. “Brianna Weaste
“It’s as good as money,” I nervously handed him a $ 20 bill and asked, “Are you okay?” The taxi driver replied. He jumped into a taxi and ran away.
I was delighted and surprised at his politeness as he was looking around for the address he gave him at the airport and expected him to discuss with me for additional money. Of course, these were pre-GPS days!
This was the beginning of my emotional roller coaster when I arrived in New Zealand as a new immigrant.
The first few days were full of excitement and happiness. I discovered a new country, met friendly people, and learned new things. All of this experience has made me an eye-opening immigrant who is fascinated by the charm of the new environment.
A few weeks later, the roller coaster jumped downwards as I began to be dissatisfied with the series of rejections. All my job applications have sent a polite refusal letter. The message I got was that it wasn’t very attractive to future employers due to lack of local experience. No one was willing to interview me.
How did you intend to get out of this Catch-22 situation? I couldn’t get a local experience without work, but I couldn’t get a job without local experience!
After months of wasted search, the roller coaster finally turned upwards. Despaired by the employer’s reluctance to interview, he decided to enroll in college and obtain a local qualification. I hope it opens the door to me. This original idea gave me my first job through contact from the university. Finally, a feeling of joy!
I feel my problems are over and now I am ready to build a long and successful career in an adopted country. How wrong I was! It’s time for the emotional roller coaster to begin its downward journey again.
Within a few months, my joy turned into turmoil when my employer’s behavior changed from being so happy with me to finding mistakes in everything I did almost overnight. I did. I had a hard time understanding what had changed.
After a while, I realized that my employer hired me just to take advantage of the government’s system of subsidizing new immigrants (for a period of time).
My employer blamed me for having nothing to do with me and attributed the mistakes of others to me. His cunning plan was to make my life so difficult that I quit my job. That way, there are no nasty questions from the government sector answering about dismissing me within a few months of his hiring me.
I felt a comprehensive sense of sadness and disappointment when I realized that my first idea that everyone in my new country was friendly was just an illusion. I learned the lesson that people are people, and in every part of the world, some are good and some are not. I broke up with my first employer in a rather unpleasant situation.
The long-term unemployment that followed created self-doubt in my heart.
“Did I do the right thing by moving the country?”
“Will you succeed in finding a decent job?”
The feeling of regret began to come to my mind.
“Why didn’t I know more about my employment prospects in this country before deciding to move rocks, stocks and barrels here?”
“I shouldn’t have taken such a big risk.”
Every time I got home and heard of someone who knew I was doing well, I felt sorry for myself. I felt like I made a mistake when I moved to New Zealand. I was burning the bridge before I moved, so I felt there was no way to get back from where I left off and restart.
By the time the roller coaster turned further upwards, I was already in the country for quite some time. It took me four to five years for my career to stabilize and to begin to be happy with my decision to move to New Zealand. When you move to a new country, it’s not just long-haul flights!
The reason I explain my emotional roller coaster story is to share with you my experience and the resulting learning. If you fall into a similar situation, I hope you may be able to alleviate hopelessness with the recognition that you are not alone and that you can get out of any difficult situation with the right mindset.
From the perspective of the “six Ps”, I would like to summarize this journey from the current location to the desired location. The three Ps represent what should not be done, and the three Ps represent what should be done.
First, let’s look at three Ps to avoid.
1. Do not personally take setbacks or adversities.
It is important to separate your mistakes from your identity.
If we take all rejections, setbacks and problems personally, our self-esteem will be hurt and we can easily get out of the rabbit hole of despair and depression.
Before I got my first job, I was rejected more than 200 times without an interview. You’ll never want to be in that situation again, or want someone to do it, but I’m fortunate that I didn’t allow myself to be deeply dragged into a swamp of worthless feelings. I think it was. In retrospect, I think this tough phase played an important role in building my resilience.
2. Do not allow failure to permeate everything.
Failures or setbacks in one area of your life remain contained in that area and must not spread to other areas.
When my emotional roller coaster was downhill, it was natural to begin linking my failure to land a job to all other aspects of life in the new country. Negative thoughts started the round in my mind.
“I’m not fit here.”
“This place is not suitable for me.”
“I am destined.”
The unfortunate consequence of such prevailing thinking is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy unless this vicious cycle is stopped before it is too late. Enrolling in the course was the best step I took at that time. Because it gave me something else to focus on my mind.
3. Don’t think of adversity as permanent.
All the crises in world history are over. No matter how difficult your challenge may seem, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. You may not be able to see it from now on, but rest assured of world history and be confident that your crisis will end.
My challenge to find a job as an immigrant continued for a long time, but it ended.If I adopt the idea of persistence with the following idea “I will never succeed here” My efforts would have diminished. As our efforts begin to diminish, the desired results begin to move further away from us.
Now, let’s adopt 3 Ps!
1. Have patience.
You may have heard the phrase “good things take time”. Believe it!
Some may take longer than expected. It’s just life. Be motivated to wait while you continue the process. Focus on the process and get results.
2. Develop patience.
Too many people give up just before breaking the code. The ability to continue our efforts in the face of difficulties, or to overcome delays in the way they succeed, distinguishes the winner from other runs.
Life is like an obstacle race. You will be good at tackling obstacles and continuing your journey towards your goals. Ask for help with help. Do whatever it takes to continue.
3. Find your purpose.
I think this third P underpins the other two Ps that need to be done to be successful.
Without a strong purpose, it’s easy to give up when things get tougher. The purpose is to provide fuel for motivation.
Understand why you need what you need. What is driving you? Dig deeper and look underwater. The real reason may be hidden under the superficial reason.
Having patience and patience can be difficult if you don’t know the true purpose behind your goals.
Life is a journey of ups and downs. Recognizing and accepting this fact will put you in a better position to deal with adversity. Most of the disappointments in our lives come from having unrealistic expectations.
When you’re ready to handle the ups and downs of this life’s roller coaster, bend over and enjoy the ride!