The most important question to ask yourself if you want to be more authentic

“Credibility is the daily habit of letting go of what we should be and accepting who we are.” ~ Brené Brown

Have you ever wanted to relax, let go and be yourself?

Why is it so difficult for so many people? Would you like to live naturally, feel the real thing, express it, and see it?

Well, when many of us were small, it wasn’t okay to be genuine, so our survival was at stake, so we do things according to what others have to say. I focused on trying to do it the “right way”. The more we do this, the more we are separated from the true essence.

We are neither bad nor wrong. Rejection is like death for a child, so we had to do this to be loved and accepted rather than rejected.

I learned that it’s not okay to be so loyal to yourself that you’re ashamed of your feelings, what you’re doing, and what you’re doing. This was the beginning of self-renunciation. Being cut off from our credibility and believing we had something wrong.

When I was growing up, when my parents did something they didn’t like or said, they punished me, shouted, or treated me silently. That was the worst thing for me.

No one confirmed my feelings or comforted me, so I used food to comfort myself. This was a consistent trauma I experienced as a kid and was never seen, heard or acknowledged about how I felt. This was especially hard when I was afraid and crying.

I often hid with food in the closet or under the bed. Eating was how I calmed myself and created my own safety.

Eventually I had to come out and interact with my family and society, which made me feel anxious and afraid as I was always trying to understand and say the “right thing”.

And even when I thought I was doing the right thing, my dad often shouted at me, saying, “Damn, fat, you never do the right thing.”

Soon I became very afraid to speak, share my feelings, and ask what I wanted and needed, and I began to curb that energy and please people. Then, when I was 13, my doctor told me to take a diet, and at 15, I became full-blown anorexia nervosa and lived in severe deprivation.

I made a shield around myself to protect myself. And even after 23 years of treatment and in hospitals and treatment centers, no matter how much I try to let go of the anorexia nervosa behavior of robbing and denying everything that nourishes, I’m still firm or Maybe “it” was embraced by me for survival and safety.

This is what happens with our coping mechanism. They work at once, but then continue to restrain us. I want to let go, but something inside says no.

Why did you detain me? I judged myself and got angry with myself for doing diet / hunger / exercise routines. He judged himself and was angry that he couldn’t stop. It also created self-loathing and hopelessness.

Also, because I was suppressing my true feelings, I became terrible anxiety and depression. I wasn’t allowed to be me. Instead, I had to be the way everyone else wanted to be me. I resisted this internally and then needed relief from all the conflicts that the diet / hunger / exercise routine gave me.

In the end, I was so tired of fighting my biology that I wasn’t allowed to be me, so I committed suicide. I thought I would be free if I lost my life, but all the attempts made my family even more angry and I was admitted to another hospital because I didn’t behave.

I felt very lost, lonely and confused. I turned all my attention to trying to fit the pattern of other people’s opinions and to be the right person, which created fear in my system and created a sense of separation from my true essence. .. My real expression.

Without acting according to what others say, it is not easy to be genuine in a world where social impact is at stake. It requires a lot of courage, strength, and a comfortable feeling of who we are.

Being genuine is fragile and realistic and shares what we really feel. Some of us don’t even know what it is. Because we have paralyzed, protected, projected, and told ourselves that we should not feel our feelings. the end.

When people ask me, “Debra, what did you want to be when you were growing up?” I always say “I wanted to be me”, but I didn’t even know who “I” was, so I was cut off from my essence.

It was the process of getting to where I am today and living in a more authentic way. But it has never been so easy. I have experienced rejection, pain, and leaving me behind because people were angry and couldn’t live up to their expectations.

Initially, it was difficult to respect and affectionately care for oneself, as it violated family rules and familiar practices. I realized that not everyone agreed or liked me, and it was very difficult to share it frankly and honestly. But being genuine is one of the greatest blessings I have ever experienced on my journey of life.

I was freed from eating disorders, self-harm, and depression, and was able to relieve my anxiety because I couldn’t hide my true feelings of fear, pain, shame, and anxiety. By accepting them, I began to feel more peaceful in myself.

I “came out of the closet” in many ways. I accepted that I was gay. I have discovered and still discover some of my natural talents, talents and abilities. I share my feelings and my journey in life frankly and honestly. What I learned in the process, what I am learning today. And I flow in a natural and real way. “In essence” I’m back to myself.

If you are suffering from any kind of addiction, eating disorder, depression, anxiety, or self-harm, be kind and kind to yourself. These symptoms are often a reaction to our childhood trauma. These symptoms are not a problem and you are not.

The real trauma is not what happened to us. It is a disconnect from our true essence, genuine expression, and the story we conclude about ourselves and our life experiences, and it may still be performing the show.

In order to heal the inner side and give off a genuine glow with peace of mind, it is necessary to heal the trauma and shame that we have had so far. We need to reconcile with ourselves and what we are experiencing. And we need to accept every part of our existence with the understanding that all we do is meet our needs. It is important to find a healthy way, not an unhealthy way to meet those needs.

If you are like me, you may be afraid to notice and feel your deep shame. But it was a shame to discover some of the best qualities that make me unique. A quality that once needed to be hidden in order for me to feel loved, accepted and safe.

This was where my healer lived. This was the place where the poet in me lived. This is where my writers, writers, artists, speakers, singers and dancers lived. This was where my inspiring, fun, creative, wild and free spirit lived.This was where my honest explorer and curious part lived, and who knew how to be considerate and affectionate for myself and others.

This was where I met my real self — by entering my shadow and accepting those terrifying and soft parts that were hurt and hidden. By accepting, understanding, listening, loving, and seeing them, making them feel safe and giving them permission to express themselves naturally.

We need to abandon ourselves and allow others to love and accept us. We did what we needed at the time, but now we are genuine by discovering / discovering unique ways to express and learn how to meet our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs. You can give permission to rhyme. ..

Being genuine means being vulnerable, and being vulnerable soothes our minds, breaks down the walls of armor and protection, and feels, processes, and expresses what we really feel. Is to be able to do it. This allows us to have a more true and deeper connection with ourselves and others.

Being genuine means connecting with our inner children. They hold the key to our talents, gifts, true joy, creativity, and the way we are and express ourselves. This is healing, revealing our true form, feeling safe in our bodies, and allowing us to become completely ourselves again, blooming inside out. ..

I love this quote from Jim Carrey. You can never experience the integrity and divine greatness of who we are, only by adding or suppressing who we really are and increasing scars and scars.

When we start a real life, our minds no longer try to understand how we are “needed” or to protect us from pain, shame, fragility and anxiety. Because it does not, you can enjoy the life of the present moment.By accepting them, we are more reassured and do not have to be paralyzed or suppressed with potentially unhealthy coping strategies.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help identify what is interfering with your credibility:

  • What did you get rewarded for when you were a kid?
  • What did you get punished for when you were a kid?
  • How did your parents want you to see, dress and wear your hair?
  • What did you say success looks like?
  • What was judged and criticized for?
  • What were you told not to be like? For example, “Don’t yell, cry, get angry, say, say, feel …”.
  • Have you been told what was wrong or bad about you? For example, “too sensitive, in need, do nothing right, demand too much, feel sick, etc.”

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you find your real expression:

  • What is easy and natural for me?
  • Who am I when no one is watching?
  • What do I value?
  • What do I want to do, but my head tells me not to do so?
  • What did you like to do when you were a kid?
  • What am I really enjoying right now?
  • What’s true about me, whether I make it good or bad?
  • What are my best qualities? “I am compassionate, affectionate, and empathetic.”

Here are some questions for self-questioning.

  • Am I enjoying what I am doing, or am I doing what I think “should” be?
  • Do I always try to find the right way to say it, or do I say what I really feel?
  • Do I pretend I don’t care when I’m really there?
  • Are you loved and accepted because you try to create a false self-image that suits others?
  • What do I think of myself? Do I feel loyal to someone who knows who I am?
  • How do I relate to myself when I am happy?
  • How do I relate to myself when I feel sad or angry?

This is the simple truth I know about you beautiful and wonderful: you are good in nature, you are naturally valuable and adorable, your uniqueness is a gift, you are perfect in divinity .. You are worth taking up space, you are an important part of this humanity, you are important. This is not an effort for perfection, but an acceptance of your genuine expression.

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