“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” ~ Jonathan Saffron Fore
Do you know that all of us make an unconscious vow early on and that becomes a blueprint for the inside of our lives? These vows determine who we can be and are often deeply rooted.
Our vows are tied to the deeper needs we are trying to meet: love, acceptance, security, connection, and the need for security. They are neither bad nor wrong, nor are we against having them. They come from our wise part trying to help us feel safe.
Oaths are more than beliefs. The vow is “never again” or “this is the only way because my survival is at stake.”
What is the vow, may you ask? Now, let’s draw a picture for you.
When I was young, I was teased because I was fat, stupid, and ugly. Immediately I began to blame myself for being hurt and teased. I didn’t have any friends because I thought something was wrong because I was “fat, stupid and ugly”.
At the age of 13, my doctor told me to go on a diet, and that’s when I started believing that I was a “defect” because I was fat. At that point I made a vow: “I will never get fat again.”
I started to reduce my food, became a maniac exercise, and being thin became the only problem
Later, at the age of 15, he was admitted to the first hospital for anorexia nervosa and was in treatment and many hospitals and treatment centers for over 23 years. No matter how much you gained in these programs, when you left, you swore that you would never gain weight again, so limit your diet and exercise excessively to lose weight immediately. I returned to.
The process of gaining weight was only added to the trauma and fear I had already experienced. Instead of being compassionate and understanding and helping to give love to my injured part, staff “punish me” by depriving me of privileges and increasing medicine when I didn’t eat the entire tray of food. “Did.
When I experience trauma like I did when I was a kid, it’s not what happened to us that stays with us. It is a vow we have made and we conclude that it means about ourselves, others, and life in general.
We conclude the person needed to be loved and accepted by our family, which has become an unconscious blueprint that determines our thoughts, feelings and actions.
“I will never gain weight again because I am loved and unacceptable” was a traumatic reaction, which turned into a vow with a lot of fear and anxiety. I used overeating and obsessive-compulsive exercise as a survival tool, and no matter how much someone told me I needed, I never let go of this pattern.
When I couldn’t exercise, my heart beat, panicked, sweated, and quivered, especially after eating.Those symptoms were my body telling me that I needed to exercise to avoid getting fat
This was the only way I knew what it should be. I lived in a transformer, an automatic conditioning response. And no matter how conscious you try to change your habits, anything inside will limit your diet and exercise excessively.
If you are forced to let go of the survival mechanism without healing your inner pain, you will feel like jumping off an airplane without a parachute. It’s scary and overwhelming. This is the reason why I also committed suicide. Especially when I feel fat again. I want to leave my body rather than being traumatized and teased.
Eating disorders, addictions, depression, anxiety, pain, or illness, that our energy freezes in time, suffers deep wounds, and holds a vow made from traumatic or painful experiences. It is often a symptom of.
When someone is worried or depressed, it may be because they are not living their truth, and this may be because they feel they are not forgiven. They may think that they need to live up to the expectations of everyone else. Otherwise, you may be punished or abandoned.
They may use food, medicine, smoking, or drinking as a way to ease what they are feeling or experiencing. They may be using the substance to paralyze the pain that results from a traumatic experience or from the idea that it is not “perfect” or “not feeling good enough”.
Why do some people love themselves and find it difficult to find what they want or need? Because if you were like me, you might have unknowingly sworn by doing this as a kid, screaming or being called selfish. Or love yourself. “
No matter how hard we work and how destructive or restrictive we are, the habits and behaviors that we cannot stop engaging meet our needs. The goal is not to negate our impulses and change our behavior. Instead, a better approach is to understand why they exist in the first place and help them feel that part of themselves is loved and safe.
No matter how many affirmations or thoughts we make, our survival mechanisms and vows are stronger, so even if they are healthy, some of us resist change. increase.
Often when working with clients suffering from addiction, anxiety, depression, and / or when they love and enjoy themselves, we get inside and the root cause When they found, it was because of the vows they made when they screamed, teased, left alone, or punished.
They conclude that being loyal to themselves, seeking things, or wanting to be embraced and loved is bad or wrong. They knew that it wasn’t okay to have a need and act naturally, so they began to curb that energy, which created adult symptoms.
It’s a vow that “I don’t need anyone. I’m fine alone” and it may be a way to protect yourself from being hurt again. The challenge associated with this is that, as a human being, approval and verification are required. We need love and compassion. It is healthy and helps us to prosper and survive as human beings.
When trauma accumulates in our bodies, we feel dangerous. Until we resolve it and reconnect to the security of the traumatized area, we will always remain in a fight / escape / frozen state, becoming irritable and irritable, taking everything personally and latent. Look for threats that make it difficult to move on from the first outbreak.
So how do we see what vows determine the journey of our lives?
Being with your feared part allows you to notice your unconscious vows. They often manifest as physical emotions and symptoms. For example, if you can’t exercise, you’ll panic, sweat, and tremble, especially after eating.
When I sat down with this part of myself with unconditional love and acceptance, and the desire to understand where it came from, it was afraid of why instead of using exercise to escape I told me if I was there. It brought me back to the beginning of everything and said, “If I am fat, I will be teased, abandoned, and rejected, and I want to be loved and accepted.”
Healing is the release of the energy stored in the body and reconciliation with oneself and the trauma.
Healing is reminding our bodies that painful / traumatic events are no longer occurring. It is learning how to comfort ourselves when we are afraid and learning emotional regulation.
Healing is the clarification of where the wound comes from. Otherwise, it will never reach the actual source, so it will check the details and be continuously triggered.
Healing is not coercion. It’s about accepting what’s happening. It’s a kind, gentle and affectionate approach. We are dealing with traumatized and damaged soft parts. These parts do not need to be pushed or instructed on how to do it. They need compassion. They need to be seen, heard, loved and accepted. They need our affectionate attention, so they can feel safe and secure.
They have been hiding. In a sense, they are disconnected. We experience affectionate integration as we acknowledge them and bring them into our hearts. When we experience affectionate integration, we experience a true homecoming, in which we experience a sense of inner peace. After that, we more naturally take care of ourselves lovingly and begin to make healthy choices.