If you (or any of your loved ones) have experienced gas lamps, you will know that it can be very emotionally hurt. Gas lighters can manipulate you in ways that make you doubt your own sanity and reality. These gas lighters use methods and tactics that include turning others away from you, lying blatantly, and attacking you to defend their own bad behavior.
What is gaslighting?
Gas lamps, whether intentional or unintentional, are a form of operation, usually a form of psychological abuse found in abusive relationships. Gaslighting is a tactic, the act of manipulating individuals by questioning their reality, their own memories, thoughts, and what is happening around them in order to gain more power. ..
The term “gaslight” comes from a play called “gaslight” followed by a movie. In this movie, a malicious husband manipulates his wife to afflict and convince her that she is angry.
Victims of gas lamps can be pushed so far that he / she doubts his / her own sanity. One of the most unpleasant forms of gaslighting is when it occurs in a couple’s relationship.
Everyone tends to be a gas lamp. This is a common practice for abusers, narcissists, cult leaders, and dictators. Victims are unaware of how much they have been brainwashed, as it takes place so slowly.
Signs of gas lamp
Find signs of gaslighting and survive the hidden manipulations that malicious people use to control your life. Signs that you may be a victim of gas lamps include:
- I feel less confident or anxious than before
- I don’t feel like I used to
- I often apologize
- Frequently wonder if you are very sensitive
- Whenever things go wrong, I blame you
- Everything you do feels wrong and doesn’t work
- I feel something is wrong, but I can’t identify what it is
- Frequently asked if the response to the partner is appropriate.For example, wonder if you didn’t love enough or was too irrational
- Feel isolated from friends and family
- Make excuses for your partner’s actions
- Avoid informing family and friends to avoid conflicts about your partner
- Hopelessness and little or no joy in the activities you enjoyed before
- Decision making is becoming more difficult
Some gaslighting examples
Gaslight users are good at pressing the right buttons, know your vulnerabilities and sensitivities, and use that knowledge for you. They make you doubt yourself, your memory, your judgment and even your sanity. Here are some examples:
- Tell you that people are talking behind you (behind you): eg, “Don’t you know? The whole family is talking about you. They make you feel numb. And I think you are.”
- Little Feelings: For example, “Hmm, now you really feel sorry for yourself. Is that …?’
- Hide things or things from you and deny knowing about them later: Example: “Can’t you find your sunglasses again? That’s very disturbing.”
- I told you things and later denied what they said: For example, “I didn’t say I would deposit money in a bank. Do you imagine it?”
- Not true, but claim that you were (or weren’t) in a particular place: Example: “Are you crazy? We’ve never been to the movie together. You should know. Isn’t it? “
How to recover from a gas lamp
It takes time to recover from the gas lamp. Keep these points in mind as you move towards healing.
- Be free
You will be released from the gas lighter first. As long as you are in contact with him / her, you will lean towards their operation because they know which button to press. If possible, cut off contact with the gas lighter immediately. If the person is a family member or an unavoidable person, it can be difficult to disconnect. In such cases, it is necessary to minimize interactions rather than avoiding people altogether.
Note: Leaving a gas lamp partner can be unsafe and dangerous in certain situations. Talk to a trusted loved one and contact law enforcement agencies if necessary to take appropriate precautions.
- Practice mindfulness
Gaslights can isolate or keep us away from our emotions and thoughts, so just listen to your voice and take the first step. Learn how to give yourself a positive attitude. Start by recognizing basic needs such as hunger, thirst, and malaise, rather than pushing them away. Then take a moment and take a step back to notice your emotions. You don’t have to be ashamed of yourself by feeling them or changing them – just verify your own experience.
- Be kind to yourself
Most people turn their backs on themselves when they find themselves illuminated by a gas lamp. They often blame themselves for not realizing it. Keep in mind that such self-criticism is a common consequence of gas lamps. Let go of self-blame. And admit that gas lighters are very proficient in operating techniques. Most importantly, you now know it and have learned from this experience.
- Wrap yourself in love
Nothing is more healing than a loving relationship, and nothing is more dire than an abusive relationship. Spend as much time as possible with your loved ones and those who love you and thank you. Talk to them about your doubts and fears that have become part of your life through the gaslight relationship. Allows those who love you to verify your reality as you gradually let go of your lasting self-doubt. Such a connection will nourish you.
- Get professional support
Going to therapy is one of the best choices you can make to heal yourself (whether online or face-to-face). The recovery process can be accelerated with the guidance of the therapist.
The right therapist can help separate your own beliefs, perceptions, and thoughts from those of the person who illuminates you with gas lights. The therapist may also develop tools to help you believe in yourself and support you as you recover from trauma.
Believe in yourself. you are a great person. We all have the power to heal and start a happy life after the relationship in which the gas lamp existed. Your inner voice never abandoned you, it was just clouded by someone else’s opinion. And now that you are free from that effect, you can make your inner voice even stronger.