Motivation

What to do when you don’t seem to love yourself

“When you start believing in what you deserve, you will be amazed at what you are attracted to.”

“”You need to love yourself more.

I’ve heard that advice many times when it’s rejected, inadequate, or feels inadequate. And instead of that advice helping me, it made me feel even more rejected, inadequate, and not enough.

Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t angry with the person who gave me the advice. I was angry that I couldn’t love myself unconditionally.

It’s easy to feel love for yourself when things are going well. When you succeed in something, when you feel grateful to someone, or when you feel good about yourself and your life. It’s not when the rubber hits the road. Instead, it happens when things go wrong. When you fail, get confused, or find that your mind is broken into thousands.

It is in those moments of darkness that love and gratitude for oneself has been replaced by judgment, self-loathing, and criticism. At that time, I “should” be everywhere.

I was told to love myself more the moment I was in a company of shame, rejection, and inadequacy. And, frankly, it’s a lot easier than it sounds.

Building solid self-esteem is very important, and there is no doubt about it. But there are various ways to build it. If you also fall into the category of people suffering from your self-esteem, here’s another approach that really helped me.

You can’t jump from inadequacy to narcissism in an instant

During the tough times of my life, I spoke to the therapist. She told me to focus on loving herself in the dark moments, like many before.When I asked her Girlfriend She herself was able to give this wonderful advice, her reply was “Oh, I know, it’s really really hard.

It may sound good in theory, but if you can’t put it into practice, it makes no difference. I needed specific advice that I could actually use in my daily life.

For many years, I had the impression that narcissism meant loving myself in any situation. Times of happiness, success, satisfaction, gratitude, joy, and moments of darkness, failure, misery, hurt, and worthless emotions.

Later, I realized that the steps I was asked to take at those moments were too high. I realized that I couldn’t move on to loving myself in an instant because I felt angry, hurt, and inadequate. It’s like asking someone to walk a long staircase in one big step. It’s almost impossible.

In my experience, trying to jump too fast means preparing for failure. And what does this lead to? Yeah, more frustration, anger, and inadequate feelings.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s great to practice self-esteem and tell yourself, “I love you.” But this may only resonate when you are in a slightly comfortable place.

It moved me when I tried to fetch too much on the scale of love at moments of stress, despair and frustration: “What are you talking aboutInstead of sinking those words, my heart gave me a long list of reasons why I didn’t love myself at that moment.

And what do you know? I realized it was perfectly okay. It’s hard to think of more thoughts than we feel at a particular moment when that emotion is overwhelmed. If you are angry, you have access to angry thoughts. If you are anxious, you reach anxiety-related ideas. If you feel hope, you have hope-related ideas.

My point is this: we need to go step by step. We cannot expect ourselves to feel self-love, self-gratitude, and self-esteem when we are not even close to feeling these things. Instead, we need to take the following logical steps to help us feel better about ourselves. And from that location, you can take another step in the right direction.

Replace love with acceptance

For me, when I came across these words, everything changed.I’m good enoughAccording to world-renowned speaker and pioneer hypnotherapist Marisa Pier, these three words will actually change your life.

“In my 30 years as a therapist […], I have found the roots of so many modern problems — smoking, Excessive drinking, compulsive shopping, depression, and overeating— Immediately return to the need to fill the inner emptiness of not feeling enough with the outer. “

Ideally, you should love yourself under all conditions, but it’s not easy. Maybe it’s not even realistic. And I realized that we don’t necessarily have to always feel love for ourselves. Instead, it is the place of acceptance that needs to reach those dark moments.

All of our anxieties, and sometimes our hatred for ourselves, come from places we don’t feel enough. At that time, I was standing in front of the crowd, sweating, shivering, and not feeling enough. When I asked myself at the meeting and as a result closed my mouth, I didn’t feel smart enough. The moment I looked at other people’s photos and compared myself, I didn’t feel enough.

When we feel low self-esteem, we don’t feel enough, it’s that simple.

And it’s no wonder that many of us don’t feel enough. That’s what the media and advertising keep telling us over and over again. “”To be sexy, you need to weigh this much.“”You need this jacket to prove that you are stylish.“”You need this car to show people what you made. ” Overall, they take advantage of our anxiety.

Self-esteem is about your overall self-esteem or personal values. And in order to really know and feel that you are worth it, you need to feel that you are enough.

So, to increase your self-esteem, you need to say the following simple and powerful words to yourself.I’m good enoughRegardless of the situation, you will be reminded over and over again that it is enough (because this is a way for adults to learn: by repetition).

It was a great relief for me to notice this. I had no problems. There was nothing major that needed to be “fixed”. I didn’t have to dig into my past to figure out where my self-esteem was hurt. Instead, it’s to repeatedly tell yourself that you’re good enough.

If your project fails and gets confused, remember that it’s enough.

If you’re late for a meeting and don’t want everyone to wait, tell yourself that you’re good enough, regardless of the situation.

If you are rejected, stand up, or have a broken heart, remember that you are good, always good, and always good.

Feeling enough is a baseline for striving when you feel sick. Remember that whatever is happening in your life, you are good enough. You are smart enough, pretty good enough, worth enough, kind enough, and intelligent enough. You are enough and that is enough.

Focus on bounceback rate

What makes us often fail? Yes, if you set the bar too high. So even if you put it at a reasonable level by knowing that you’re good enough from loving yourself, you can’t expect to feel good enough 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (let’s make it realistic here). ).

So here’s another piece of advice that helped me get back faster and faster: when you soak in a dark hole, focus on your bounce rate, not why you lack self-esteem. Please give me.

How quickly can you get back from feeling anxious, inadequate, or embarrassed to feeling good enough?

Consider how quickly you returned, not how many times you fell. When you fall into a negative thought or pattern, use it as a signal to shift and remember that you’re good enough.

Remember three little words

Developing and nurturing your self-esteem and values ​​is very important in life. It is the key to giving and receiving love. It is the gateway to self-love, self-esteem, and self-compassion. And it starts with feeling good enough, as you are.

Therefore, “I’m enoughBased on. Remember this over and over again until your heart begins to believe in you. Put a reminder on your smartphone, put a note in the drawer, and write “more than enough” on the mirror in the bathroom.

Simply put, prepare yourself for success and solid self-esteem by always telling your heart that whatever is happening in your life is enough. “”I’m enoughIs a small but very powerful sentence that raises self-esteem.

Whenever you fall into a dark hole, remember that it’s about your bounce rate, not the number of times you fall.

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