Why I relied on my ego to survive, but now I need my soul to prosper

“Let’s create a comfortable life not only on the outside but also on the inside.” ~ Unknown

I have been doing well since I was a kid. As a kid, I was a perfectionist, driven to succeed and became the best I did. I wanted to do well, especially after divorce, so that my parents would be proud of me and love me.

At school and college, I worked hard to get a straight A. Anything less than that seemed like a failure to me. I’ve always been at the top of my class and won awards. But this did not give any benefit to my classmates. They teased me as a teacher’s pet, bullied me, and dropped one or two pegs. I found it difficult to make friends and was often left behind.

I spent a lot of time reading, drawing and painting alone. These things helped me escape to another world. But my true passion was dance and my dream was to be a dancer, but I knew how difficult it would be to be successful enough to pursue a career.

My egoMy job was to protect me and ensure that my needs for survival, safety and security were met.

It told me I needed to be practical in order for me to go to college and get a degree that would help me get a job with a good career outlook and income. However, it was hard to study, and the voice of my inner critic, Ego, told me that I was not smart.

After graduating from college, as many did, there was no gap year to go on a trip or find yourself. I did what I expected. Immediately after using my degree, I got a good job and started my own path.

I wanted to do well in my new job and impress people. However, when I received feedback on the rating, if nine things were positive and only one was negative, I remembered only one negative. My ego did not handle the criticism well. I took everything personally and was upset.

I continued to advance my career, but I was worried and my ego had to praise and admit that I was doing a good job.

I lived with the phrase “clothes for the job you want, not for the job you have”. I was embarrassed because the managers wore smart and expensive clothes. I felt inferior and not enough.

I wanted to see that part so that I could confidently apply for a promotion or a new job, so I couldn’t afford it, but I started dressing like them.

When I started a new job, I was worried that I would wear new clothes as armor to make a good impression and the contents would fail, but it seemed that I could do the job.

Society and the media judge success by beauty, thinness, qualifications, wealth, status and popularity. I compared myself to others and felt I was lacking.

My self-esteem was tied to external and material things. Received the highest ratings, awards and the highest career. I mistakenly believed how many promotions I got, how much money I made, weight loss, appearance, romance, what kind of car or house I had … the more I had, the more valuable it was.

By listening to my ego voice, I made all my life about becoming a successful career woman. But it came at a price. I was so stressed that I didn’t like my job as much as I climbed the ladder. I didn’t have any friends to go out with at work, so I went shopping at lunchtime and bought things to make me feel better, but that feeling didn’t last long.

When I was middle-aged, young people were biting my heels for my job and started getting the promotion I wanted. They eventually overtook me and became my boss, but I felt more qualified and more experienced in the humiliating role. I was overlooked, invisible, excluded, ignored and bullied. I felt devalued, unappreciated and worthless. This led to anxiety and depression and I was let go.

The rug was pulled from under me: I suddenly quit my job. The events of life overwhelmed me and hurt my ego. I went into a downward spiral, lost self-esteem and self-confidence, and wasn’t in the right place to look for another job mentally.

It was built around my career, so I felt I lost my identity. My ego was always presenting my best self and my best life to others, so they could see how well I was doing and impressed.

Now that I’m out of work, my ego said I was a failure, I was useless, I wasn’t worth it. I felt my life was meaningless. I was suffering from depression and anxiety and believed in everything my inner critics said.

I spend most of my time at home now, so I know I need to use this time wisely to look back on my life and find what I really want, what makes me happy. I did. Start taking care of yourself.

I’m now listening to relaxing music and doing guided meditation. I enjoy swimming. Because it helps me switch off. I take long walks with my dog ​​in nature or along the beach. As I walk, I often talk about what I have in my head and what I am worried about, and pay attention to my surroundings.

I have dreams of answering my problems and ideas, seeing signs that mean something, sending messages, and telling me what to do next. I understand that this is my intuition.

Intuition is a natural feeling for all of us, but in many casest knows how to connect to it. It is the ability to instantly understand or know something based on our emotions, not the facts.

It is the voice of our hearts and souls, the voice of truth and love. It’s quiet, calm and peaceful, so I’ve never heard of it. I only heard the loud, dominant and critical voice of my ego and believed in everything it said. Often, the intuition of the stomach is felt as an “instinct.”

My soul said I was adorable. I didn’t have to be perfect or prove myself to others. I was as valuable and good enough as I was, so I needed it for this life. I’m never worthless because value is part of my true self and no one can rob me of it. I had to start believing in myself.

I am a logical and analytical person, good at solving problems and coming up with rational solutions, which has been very successful in my career. I didn’t pay attention to my intuition because it didn’t make sense logically.

Many times, when I went to a new job, bought a house or a new car, I had the intuition that this wasn’t right for me, but my ego ignored it and did it anyway. My ego decision was based on what was most impressive to others and not the best for me. Most of the time, I later regretted it and wanted to go with my intuition.

The problem begins when our soul and ego are in conflict or out of balance. We feel one, but we do another. We self-destruct. Our actions are not in line with our true values. To live a real life, you need to match the inside and the outside. Knowing the difference between the story of our soul and the story of our ego can be the key to finding fulfillment.

Our soul knows our true needs before we do. It can clarify what we really want and improve our lives. When you don’t know what to do, it can point us in the right direction. When we are offended about something, most of the time it is our soul that tells us that it is not what we should do.

All we have to do is listen to our intuition and trust enough to go where it leads. When we are on the right path, everything feels comfortable and begins to fall into place. The right people, places, and situations often appear quickly when needed, as we are on the best path for ourselves.

He wasn’t my usual type when I first met my husband, but I felt good about him. My intuition told me to give him a chance, and I’m very happy to hear that. He loves me and wants what is best for me. He is my greatest supporter and is there for me throughout difficult times, as I am for him.

Now I need to solve other areas of my life.

I learned that it is important to listen to my intuition as well as when making decisions based on logic and facts. What does my instinct tell me? If you have all three, this is the right decision for me.

When my ego speaks to me, I now recognize that it is a loud, negative, critical, voice of fate and darkness, and I try not to pay attention to it. increase. The more you slow down, calm your mind, listen to and trust your intuition, the stronger and more prominent your intuition becomes.

My intuition told me to touch my innermost thoughts and feelings, to better understand myself, to learn from my experience, and to start writing as a way to try to understand my life ..

I couldn’t stop writing when I started writing. Words began to overflow from me, causing strong emotions. Since I was a kid, I realized that I had unresolved problems, such as fear of being abandoned, low self-esteem, and other anxieties, and I now need to work to fill them and heal myself.

Now I know that my ego is my outer self, not who I really am. It’s a mask I wear to face the world and hide my flaws from others. It is my position in society and all my titles and roles.

My soul is my inner self and I am behind it all. That is my true self. It was born of all of us. It remains the same and will be with us forever.

Our soul knows what is best for us. Once we hear it and learn how to trust it, we will always love, protect, support, give answers and guide us on the right path.

In the first half of my life, my ego was in the driver’s seat and I focused on my outer self. However, it was not a wasteful trip because I learned valuable lessons in the process and arrived at myself today.

I’m at a crossroads now. Now that my ego sits in the backseat and it’s time for my soul to take over, I can focus on my inner self and begin the journey to find more meaning in my life.

I hope you can follow the wisdom of your soul no matter what journey you take.

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