Why many of us are chasing big dreams and feeling frustrated

“A dream with a date written down is a goal. A goal divided into steps is a plan. A plan backed by ACTION makes your dream come true.” ~ Greg Reed

We all have dreams, some of them are really big. And if we are serious about realizing these dreams, the next logical step is to set goals, plan and take action.

But we are missing a very important step in our dream-creating journey.

This step is a step that I myself realized over 20 years. And my first clue came from my child’s bedtime story book everywhere!

It was a sad and lonely whale that lived deep in the sea. The whale was looking for the next shiny object, but was never completely satisfied with its further quest. Then one day, when he encounters a beautiful reef, a clever little crab stops him and asks.

“You are a whale that always wants more. But what do you really want it for?”

We seem to spend our entire lives setting goals and planning dreams, but we rarely stop asking ourselves what we want these things for. What do you want for a new car, job, promotion, home?

If we stop thinking, and we are really honest with ourselves, we will all have similar answers. Because our goals and dreams are often summarized in the same underlying need for human importance.

Most of our goals are essentially tied to the need to feel comfortable enough in the eyes of others and ourselves.

Missing step to have an unachieved goal

Having a non-attached goal is a missing step in the process of living our dreams. This is a very important step for two simple reasons. If you have a goal that is tied to the need to be good enough, you will end up with only one of the two finish line photos.

  • I’m standing on the podium with the winning medal around my neck, and I’m chasing the next shiny medal and looking around, but I haven’t achieved it yet.
  • You haven’t crossed the finish line “I’m a failure” Signed around your neck, leaving even greater hunger for verification and self-esteem.

Stop the endless quest

Like a children’s book Whale I wanted moreThe typical pattern is to chase goals one after another. It turns out that I’m never happy with the plan to hatch long and continuous to chase the next shiny object.

It makes perfect sense when you realize that these goals are forged with importance, acceptance, or the need for verification. If we do not meet those needs in the first place and instead use our goals to achieve them, there is no car, home, promotion, or partner to do so. And we are always looking for the next one to meet those needs.

Stop self-destruction

Self-destruction has been my MO for many years. Just as the ironworker defeated and shaped his fiery red metal, I defeated and bent my purpose, and I secretly accepted and verified that it was my lack of self-esteem. I tried to realize what I longed for. I’m good enough only when I’ve achieved a goal related to my purpose.

And here is the kicker. Not only did I have to serve my purpose to meet the need for importance, but I also had to swim against the undercurrent of the feeling that I couldn’t really do it.

The fear of failure was very real. Because if this fails, you don’t get the validation and value you need. So whenever I felt that failure was visible, I gave up and hatched a new plan to achieve my goals, and in doing so blocked my path to it. My view of the world is that it is better to keep the dream of possibility alive than to realize the reality of failure.

Questions that open your eyes to the goals that have been set

I lived for 20 years in the guise of a burning flame to help others for a pure purpose. And that was most of my motivation and work for many years, but it was subtly intertwined with awareness and the need to “become someone.” And it slowly and quietly turned into a binding for self-esteem and importance.

About a month or two after reading the bedtime book to the children, I was asked to split the tug-of-war rope in half. Questions that leave my goals on one side and my self-esteem safely on the other. It gave me the separation, distance, and freedom I needed to achieve my goals with pure passion and purpose alone, without an emotional agenda.

And the magical question is:

What does that mean to you if you don’t get what you want?

When I first heard that question, my answer came very early:

I will fail.

It seemed to me a simple mathematical truth. Failure to achieve my lifelong goals is a failure. What other answers do you have?

It happens that there is only one correct answer to this question. And that wasn’t what I gave. The correct answer sounded simple. There was nothing complicated, but I didn’t sit, calm, or disperse. Just waiting for something to happen, it was hanging in front of me.

And something happened about a week later.

I was running my typical pattern. One is to always work on goals that are relevant to my goals, and the other is to just give up after concluding that I can’t get anything from my efforts.

But that day, I suddenly remembered that question, What does that mean to you if you don’t get what you want?

And more importantly, I remembered the correct answer:


Yes, you read that right.The correct answer is none.. If you don’t get what you want, nothing changes about who you are. You are still you

You are still worth it. Whether you reach your goals or not, you are worth it. When we combine many meanings and values ​​with what we are trying to achieve, it becomes a big block. And we will chase that goal or that dream for all the wrong reasons. That is so that we don’t feel like a failure. May we feel loved, accepted and acknowledged.

Your goal does not complete you. Whether you achieve them or not, you are perfect.

When you really feel that not getting what you want doesn’t mean anything to you, you know that you have goals that you aren’t obsessed with. And when you have a non-obsessed goal, you are free to chase it without those typical self-jamming patterns and enjoy achieving your goal when you reach it. I can.

The dream of writing down the date is the goal.. A goal divided into steps becomes a plan. A plan backed by ACTION will make your dreams come true.

However, your dream that is not bound by your self-esteem is that your true dream will come true.

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