Why Presence is the Best Gift Ever

“When you love someone, the best you can offer is your being. If you aren’t there, how can you love?” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

What’s worse than not listening to someone pretend. To hear.

Immediately nods to give a vague consensus tweet or say “yes, I’m completely listening”, but that’s not the case.

I vividly remember having dinner with my friends about four years ago. I’ve been backpacking in New Zealand for 12 months and have just returned to the UK. I imagined what would happen at night when I went to my friend’s house by car …

There was a lot of laughter (when we all got together, it was always horizontal).

There are a lot of hugs (after all, I haven’t seen them for a year).

There is a lot of storytelling (I can share my epic adventure).

Did this all happen? To some extent, it’s not the way I imagined.

In fact, I felt a little sick and a little sick.

At first, I didn’t understand why.

My friends were the same old fun people.

Despite “finding myself” (joking) while traveling, I felt almost the same old man.

So what’s the difference?

It hit me.

constant. mobile. phone.

During the night, it was polluted with endless selfies, videos, status updates, incoming calls, outgoing calls, and notifications.

Distraction after distraction Distraction after distraction.

There was a moment when we could hear the pins fall as the four of us sat down with their faces illuminated by the brilliance of their cell phones and glued their hands to the device. Ironically, I told the people who used Facebook and Instagram that night how great we had.

I was angry with my friends in the first place. But soon I realized I was really angry with myself. I was guilty as well, and the people in the House of Glass shouldn’t throw stones after all.

Rather, the nights of being deep in each other and each of us being perfect and meticulous were polluted by technology, ruined by social media, and hurt by tampering with mobile phones.

Backpacking was a deep life conversation under the stars with more campfires, so tonight felt like a return to reality. Most of us have a hard time putting the phone upside down.

When you stop and think about it, what kind of message do you send to the person in front of you when you are busy on the phone?

I vowed to do this that night and be more with friends, family and the people I communicate with.

I didn’t want anyone to feel my feelings that night. It was unprecedented and unimportant.

Zoom towards today. Well, I’m much better, but far from perfect.

Technology is certainly a big barrier to presence, but it’s not the main cause.

The main culprit lives between our ears and our hearts.

The mind is much like a speaking alarm clock, and you have no control over when it rings or what you say.

For example, I can sit face-to-face with someone physically a few centimeters away, but consciously away from the world.

Instead of listening to what the person sitting across from us is saying, we listen to our thoughts.

Hey, did I leave the oven this morning when I left home?

I hope you don’t smell your breath.

Why is the stranger in the corner laughing? Is the underwear pushed into the shirt?

Or literally something else. everything. Other thoughts come up at any time and can momentarily distract my focus from the person in front of me.

Fortunately for us, people are not always confident when we are not completely with them, especially if we are fake listeners of professionals. Occasionally, you may feel that the person you are talking to is not listening. Before returning to the conversation, I feel sick and allow myself to be human.

On the other hand, we can be confident when someone is really listening to us and is completely with us at that moment. definitely, felt that.

It’s hard to put such a moment into words, but you know.

The moment we are completely with someone and it makes a round trip, it’s magical and the rest of the world seems to disappear into the background. You just feel connected, like when you first fell in love. You feel the dance, resonance, synchronicity and oneness of communication.

that’s it. This is all about my presence. sense of unity.

Here are some of my favorite ways to show presence and foster a sense of unity:

eye contact

The eyes are really the window to the soul. Giving eye contact really tells people what they are listening to.

Listen to understand, not respond

If you just listen to plan your response, you’ll be crazy. Listening to people’s words and how they say them helped me a lot to connect with people.

Limit distractions.

Technology, off. The world can wait.

Recall the good old days when there were only landlines. If not at home, people leave a message and patiently wait for a response. bliss. Today we are available on mobile, Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, Snap Chat, Email … the list continues. Flight mode is my friend. Flight mode is enabled whenever you want to attend.

Facial expression.

When I really listen to someone, I find that I am more sympathetic to them. Naturally, my facial expressions reflect this and convey that I understand how they feel. We all want to feel understood.

After a few weeks, I will return to the UK to spend time with my family. In fact, this will be Christmas for the first time in six years with us all together (my dear parents, sister, brother, and me).

Some of me are sad to know that there is a family sitting in the living room surrounded by the closest and loved ones in the world, but it’s not really there.

They are distracted by either their own mind, their cell phone, or maybe their new gift.

You don’t have to do this. You can play board games and have a presence and talk together.

In fact, we don’t have to wait for the holidays to connect this way. It provides an opportunity for each other to exist at any moment, in any conversation. But for me, holidays are a really great opportunity.

Being surrounded by our loved ones and being physically, emotionally and mentally together is more valuable than any gift you give or receive this year. Give your presence this holiday season.

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