You don’t have to mean loneliness alone: ​​how to be happy on your own

“Sometimes you need to be alone, not to be lonely, but to enjoy your free time.” ~ Unknown

First, let’s clarify. Being alone is not the same as feeling lonely. Sometimes you feel lonely even if you are not alone, and sometimes you do not feel lonely alone. It all comes down to the meaning your mind creates at that moment.

When I was in my twenties, being alone was enough to find some distractions that I could come up with to avoid it. Partying, unhealthy relationships, always busy on the go … being alone meant not enough. Friends, not enough to build relationships, not enough to be loved …

I’ve learned to really enjoy my company for years and now I’m almost always aware that I’m rejuvenating alone. But in an era of isolation and severance in which we all have lived for the past two years, my old patterns and limited beliefs about being alone are lonely and old-fashioned on a few occasions. I have regained pleasure.

In most cases, loneliness can cause discomfort, even if you start to enjoy being alone. Explore ways to prevent your mind from causing unnecessary pain and learn how to enjoy being alone at the moments that trigger them.

1. Respect those feelings.

First of all, listen to what’s happening inside. As soon as you feel that the situation causes difficult emotions (sadness, discomfort, anxiety, etc.), take a breath and observe what triggered it.

Maybe you have returned from work to an empty apartment. Maybe you saw a happy family on the street, and you are experiencing a divorce. Maybe you spend time on social media and see your family reunited for vacation, but you’re away from your family.

2. Don’t be distracted.

Choose to take your breath away and not turn to any habits you may have developed to distract from those unpleasant feelings. You may tend to open the fridge to eat, or you may tend to turn on your phone and scroll through social media. Alternatively, they tend to be paralyzed by alcohol or television.

Please pause.

breathe. Or two. Or three.

3. Trust.

Believe that you can handle the emotions that are there to be felt.

Observe the flow of emotions and the movement of energy without resistance. Observe the sensations in your body with curiosity and tenderness. Where are they? Do they have a particular texture or color? What kind of sensation do you get? Is it tight? Shrinkage? sweating? Is your heart beating fast?

4. Observe thoughts and beliefs that make you feel worse.

Please observe the place you are interested in.

Maybe you equate being alone with being miserable.

You might think that being alone means “no one loves me.”

Maybe you consider being alone a failure or a burden.

You might think that being alone means “I’m always alone.”

As I said before, I associated being alone with not being enough.

All our beliefs come from what we have experienced or learned in the past. Maybe your grandmother was alone and everyone had to take care of her, so it was perceived as a burden. Maybe your family is sociable, outgoing, fun, going out and having friends, and being alone means being a kind of loser. rice field.

Maybe your expectations come from the culture of the society in which you live and expect you to get married and have children. And if this isn’t the model you’re alive, you may be disappointed or think so.

Maybe it’s the optics that bothers you the most. “What do people think if I spend New Year’s Eve alone? What do people think if I wasn’t married by the age of 35?”

5. Reconstruct what it means to you to be alone.

After observing those thoughts and beliefs, and their negative impact on your state of existence, give yourself permission to choose another belief.

Are those beliefs the absolute truth? Or are they a constituent of your mind and society? Do those configurations help you well? Do you know a single and happy person? Do you know anyone who chose to enjoy being alone for New Year’s Eve? Are your single friends happy and free?Do you sometimes want to be alone, quiet and peaceful?

Are you ready to let go of those beliefs? If so, take a breath and make the decision that those beliefs are forever gone. Visualize them as they emanate into the air as you exhale.

Maybe reframe as free to be alone. Do whatever you want when you want to do it. Perhaps being alone means being strong and independent.

Maybe being alone means being quiet and peaceful. Perhaps being alone is simply giving yourself time to rest and rejuvenate.

The truth is that being alone only makes sense for you to create for it, so choose a better belief. A belief that will help you here now.

6. Do more to invigorate you.

Now that it doesn’t make sense to be alone, learn to do what you love and enjoy your company.

  • Take a walk in nature. Nature has a way to bring you back to your true self, your natural self, in a state of balance and peace. Nature has no judgment. Nature is beautiful. And you are natural. So spend some time outside. Winter, summer, rainy and sunny days. Breathe, see, observe and feel.
  • Read inspiring books from one of your favorite writers and spiritual teachers.
  • Listen to the music you love and give yourself permission to dance.
  • Find guided meditations that you really enjoy and grow peaceful and uplifting.
  • Move your body. Yoga is one of my favorites because it is a practice that fully trains the mind and body, but you can enjoy rock climbing, dancing, or any kind of exercise. Flow energy.
  • Register what you always want to do or learn, whether online or offline, such as painting classes or singing lessons.

Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely if you stop judging yourself and enjoy loneliness.

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